"You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone", is what my mother used to always preach to me. I always disregarded it as a stupid statement. I knew exactly what I had while I had it. But when I was banned from Tengaged one year ago today, those words had never been truer.
I was a casual user of Tengaged. I never saw myself as taking it very seriously, I used to just mosey on every once in a while and maybe take part in a castings or two, you know how it is. I know i'm not a talented player, I know that my tactics aren't exactly the best, but still the sense of community, that feeling that you had a mutual respect for each and every member and that the majority of shared the same love for Big Brother. It was that what I loved the most about Tengaged, but the ironic thing is; I didn't realize it until I could no longer use it.
Three hundred and sixty five days. Not one day passed where I didn't feel pain.
Three hundred and sixty five days. Not one day passed where I didn't check the blogs to see if maybe there was an off-chance that I had been prematurely forgiven and purged of my sins.
Three hundred and sixty five days. Not one day passed where I wouldn't be thinking about Tengaged when I wasn't thinking about something else. It was the screensaver of my mind.
Three hundred and sixty five days. Bengalboy.
Not one day passed where I didn't feel a burning hatred for our resident 20-something loser Bengalboy. He was my nemesis on the website, and after my ban I was fuming. I had to pray or see a priest that day. I never cared about God when life was sailing in the calm, so I said I'd get my head down and I'd deal with the ache in my heart, and for that if God exists I reckon he'd pay me regard.
Do you have any idea how badly I just wanted to track Bengalboy down, to stalk Bengalboy and just turn up at his place of residence and punch his stupid fucking head in? Do you know what it feels like? Probably not, because if you're reading this the chances are you've never had to endure a one year ban. I would wake up every morning and look at the dartboard on the wall with a picture of Bengalboy's face taped over it. I'd throw darts into it every morning but it only fuelled the fire of hatred. Didn't extinguish it.
For a year now, I have stuck pins in a voodoo doll which to me represents Bengalboy. I have seethed at his name on the forums, and I even broke my laptop because the Broken Sword game I was playing featured a character named 'Bengalboy'. The name haunted me for one whole year, but now I'm back, and I know I can solve this unfinished business.
These days, I count down to being unbanned. 30 days. 15 days. It went by so slowly, but I loved every minute of it in a strange way because I knew that I could finally get my own back on Bengalboy, Dave Benson style. I invented devious plans in my mind, and Bengalboy,
mate, you have no idea what I have in store for you.
I'm back in town bitch, and this time I'm sticking around. Surprised to see me Bengalboy? I'll bet you are. Frightened? I'll bet you are because you better believe that the year in "Tengaged prison" has made me a harder person, and if anything more psychotic. I've been reading about dreams in your favourite book. My presence intimidates you and I know it for a fact Bengalboy.
