One of the best seasons ever! And this is hilarious, because a lot of people loved Cagayan, but I hated it. This season, so many people seem to hate the season and rank it as one of the worst, and yet it's one of my favorites. Just goes to show you how differently people think. And just how stupid their opinions are. Anyway, yes, this season's Survivor was saved when the glorious Natalie took home her well-deserved win over the bitch Missy and the whiny Jaclyn. Perfect winner, along with a cast of decent players, decent challenges, and fun drama, I loved the season! Without further ado, here are my rankings of all the players:
18. Missy Payne (3rd Place): I hated her right off the bat after hearing about her three divorces. Yes, a lot of the time it's the man's fault. But not EVERY TIME. And when you have that happen to you so often, and you don't learn, you're an idiot. And, Missy in the game, was a bitch. A cocky, selfish, stupid bitch. Reed told it best in the finale, and it was glorious. Plus, she didn't even deserve to make the end and get an undeserved vote from her stupid daughter. She didn't even compete in three of the challenges! How is that fair? So, combine her personality with her own messed-up life and her horrid game-play, and you get an awful person that I hated.
17. Jon Misch (6th Place): Kinda weird, huh? A guy like this is usually one that I love. But, not Jon. I hated the bastard. He was so fake. And the way he acted like he was such a good guy disgusted me. Be more like Troyzan, or Russell, or even Tony. If you're going to be a liar and a dick, then just be upfront about it. Don't play the nice guy role and then act so sad and upset when something doesn't go your way. He kept predicting he'd be in the end, and working on his finals speech, and all that crap. What a cocky douche. I was so proud when Natalie finally took him out. He was so unbearable to watch. I'm glad all the morons who thought he would win were dead wrong. It's awesome.
16. Baylor Wilson (5th Place): Again, much like he did to her mother, Reed said it best with Missy's daughter. Baylor was a bratty little snake. She was so irritating and pissed me off so badly, especially with how she treated Josh. When someone is there for you, and you don't even attempt to pay them back in kind, you're a selfish bitch. Natalie at least helped out Jaclyn, and she got the same kindness returned to her. Baylor is a whiny, immature little brat who didn't do anything in the game worthy of making the finals.
15. Jeremy Collins (10th Place): I know I'm going to piss off a lot of people here, but too bad. I hated Jeremy. The only reason he's not lower is I hate the three before him even more. Sure, Jeremy stood up for Natalie in the end, which is nice, but he was a bastard. No, he wasn't a "hero" and "deserved to win" anything. You're delusional if you think that. He was an arrogant, cocky, grumpy, obnoxious, rude idiot who pissed me off and made me want to kick him in the crotch. He was so aggressive and pushy and I wanted him gone so badly. First he attacked John, and then Keith, and then his entire tribe, and then Josh...good God I hated him. Enough was enough. Thank God he didn't last that long come the merge.
14. Val Collins (17th Place): It's clear why she married Jeremy. She's pretty much his female half in every way. Very aggressive and obnoxious. Not to mention incredibly stupid. Why make up lies that you know are going to come back to bite you? Dear God, John was trying to help you, and you lied your way into an elimination! You have to be one of the dumbest players of the season, and that's saying something, because I still haven't mentioned Drew, Alec, Keith or Wes! Val wasn't awful, but she was annoying and stupid. She deserved to leave when she did, and she had only herself to blame for it. Lies may work sometimes in Survivor, but not when you can't do something to back them up.
13. Jaclyn Schultz (2nd Place): This feels kinda wrong to do, but I just can't rank her any higher than this. Sure, she's kinda pretty, and I feel horrible about her infertility issue, but I really just didn't like her in the game. She was so whiny and pushy, and rude towards the males. Seriously, YOU can just be nice to THEM instead of just expecting it all the time, you greedy bitch. And, in my eyes, she mostly just rode Jon's coattails to the final five, and was lucky to make the end thanks to Natalie. I do think she's a nice person in real life and she deserves our pity for her pregnancy issues, but as Reed so eloquently stated, we're supposed to judge on what we see. The character in the season. Not the real life person. And, in the season, I didn't like Jaclyn. Sorry.
12. Kelley Wentworth (14th Place): She wasn't terrible or anything, but she was pretty much one of those irrelevant players that turns out to be forgettable. I didn't even take notice of her until the episode where Drew was trying to get her out, and she went out right after that anyway. That says enough on how pointless she was. I do feel slightly bad that it was thanks to her father that she was taken out, but she was just really boring and invisible for me.
11. Julie McGee (12th Place): One of the stupidest reasons to quit a game, but I'm fine with it. It's clear she was just a number to them, and since she really felt vulnerable thanks to what happened to John, I suppose I can understand her plight. All the same, I'm disappointed she quit, especially since it seemed like Jeremy would've gone home if she hadn't, and then Josh might've lasted a bit longer. So, she screwed it all up for me. Other than that, she wasn't terrible, but she was otherwise just a pointless quitter.
10. Alec Christy (7th Place): He and Drew are pretty much one in the same. Both were retarded idiots with no game whatsoever, yet both were fun entertainment to point and laugh at. I think Drew was even more hilarious than Alec, so I'm putting Alec before him. Alec randomly flirting with Jaclyn...his dumb, open-mouth expressions on the jury...what a retard. But, again, he was funny.
9. Drew Christy (15th Place): As I just said, he and Alec were pretty much the same guy. Drew was just a much bigger douche than Alec, and his downfall was epic and deserved and hilarious, and it was just the start of Natalie's reign over the game. Drew was so retarded and ridiculous; kinda made me nervous when my mother was rooting for him, since she has awful taste in males. But, again, he went early, and he was good for some laughs, so he wasn't bad.
8. Dale Wentworth (13th Place): Even though he screwed both himself and his daughter over, I still liked him. He kinda became a bitter old man as he went along (a certain idiot agrees with me that Dale would've worked better as a first eliminated player over someone just barely hanging on the whole time), but I still liked him in the end. He tried his best, he had some good points about Missy and Baylor, and he bounced back as best as he could after his shaky start. Not amazing, but still a nice, likeable old man.
7. Wes Nale (9th Place): This moron was so hilarious. While Drew and Alec were douches, Wes was an honest dumbass. Just like his lovable father. And he was all about food and "acting like a typical guy" in rather disgusting, yet amusing ways. He had literally no game whatsoever, which is embarrassing, but after his scenes at Ponderosa, and seeing him at his reward, and his actions in the game itself...he grew on me. A big, lovable idiot. We all love those types, right? Right.
6. Nadiya Anderson (18th Place): I would love to rank her even higher, but this is as high as I can put her, because she DID go out first. But, let's face it. She didn't deserve it. While it made the storyline incredible (one twin finishing first, one twin finishing last) and fueled Natalie to win the damn game, Nadiya did nothing to warrant going out first over Dale. Seriously, she played another reality show (twice), and that's enough to send her out? Are you SERIOUS? The entire tribe was screwed from the start, but still! She was cheated out of a higher spot. But, again, I love her regardless, so that's why she's so high.
5. John Rocker (16th Place): This dude doesn't deserve the hate he gets (and got in the game from Natalie). Yes, he said some awful things in the past, but he's past that. Everyone deserves a second chance. He even partnered up with a gay guy (Josh) and a black guy (Jeremy), both of whom he insulted in the past with his racist and homophobic comments. So, people CAN learn and grow and repent over time. It's awful that he was taken out when his past caught up to him. He was playing the game very well, had an idol, and was great in challenges. He didn't deserve to leave so soon just because of his past mistakes. Personally, I found him awesome, and while I love Natalie, she was out of line with her attack on him. Period.
4. Josh Canfield (11th Place): I never thought I'd be ranking anyone over Josh, since not only does he share my name, but he was my favorite from the beginning. And he was my winner's pick, too. I was stunned when he was the first one on the jury. He was playing the best game out of anybody, and it sucks he was taken out before he could do more. Overall, he and Reed made the season awesome, because being gay Christians is not an easy thing. To this very day, my mother continues to say that you can't be gay AND be a Christian, and refuses to think otherwise. Ugh. But, Josh went out there, openly showed his feelings, and played a damn fine game. Plus, he was pretty likeable, except when involving Baylor. But, let's face it; she was a bratty bitch and deserved it. So, overall, Josh was awesome.
3. Keith Nale (4th Place): Please, Keith, for the love of God, never play another Survivor again. You're worthy of an All-Stars appearance, due to your likeness. But...never play again. Man, where to begin with this guy? Keith has to be one of the dumbest players ever. I mean, just look at everything he's done! He opened his mouth and screwed up Reed's plans. He votes for Missy in the end even though it was between him and Natalie, not him and Keith. He's just...ugh. What a complete idiot! But, yeah, we all love him. He was so likeable, so funny, so entertaining, and a pretty damn fine challenge beast. Impressive for a man in his 50's, I must say. He was my second pick to win if Natalie didn't pull it out, but as we should've expected, he got the typical fan favorite 4th place spot. A perfect place for him. He really didn't deserve to win, but he was damn awesome.
2. Reed Kelly (8th Place): Never in my wildest dreams would I have expected to not only rank Reed above Josh at season's end, but actually LIKE HIM more than Josh, too! Holy crap, why did we not see more of this guy pre-merge? That is ridiculous! Reed had to be the most amazing player (after Natalie) when the merge hit. He was dynamic, sneaky, funny, likeable, crafty, strategic, and also good in challenges. Not to mention him constantly showing affection for Josh and not caring what homophobic assholes thought was wonderful. Thanks to stupid Keith opening his mouth, Reed was cost a chance at the final five. But, damn, how did this guy go from near-invisible pre-merge, to amazing strategist post-merge? And let's not forget how he called out both Baylor AND Missy in the game. Just beautiful. Reed is amazing.
1. Natalie Anderson (1st Place): But, ultimately, no one can take Queen Natalie from her spot. Okay, people, listen up. THIS is a true goddess. Not those awful bitches all of you people always claim to be goddesses. Natalie is a queen, and you know when I actually rank a female as my favorite player in a season, it's a huge deal. Natalie was just the bomb. First, her twin went out first. That's gotta hurt. But Natalie used that to fuel herself and push her way towards the finish line. She was amazing in immunity challenges, a very strategic player, and was also both funny and likeable with her comments and her personality. She made so many moves, too! Making Jon play his idol and thus gaining his trust for a blindside. Keeping Keith over Alec. Playing her idol on Jaclyn instead of herself, thus solidifying Jaclyn being loyal to her and taking her to the final three. And all for not only Nadiya, but for Jeremy as well. Natalie was just, as Jeremy said, ballin'. Natalie owned this season. True, she was a little quiet at times pre-merge, but it was all in her plan. On The Amazing Race, her and Nadiya were...slightly annoying, sure. But, out here, she kicked ass and finally, FINALLY, the twins got themselves a win. Can we forever acknowledge THIS Natalie as the TRUE Sole Survivor Natalie? Ignore that bitch from Samoa who stole Russell's win. THIS is the Natalie we should all love!
