So Thanksgiving is coming up, yay...Thanksgiving tends to be the hardest time of year for me, since my dad died like 2 weeks after Thanksgiving, and that's what my blog is about(Im sorry).
12/9/11
Roughly, in about 2 weeks will mark 3 years since I've been alone without my dad, I don't know how many people know this, but ive told a few people that I trust about what has happened since. People I could relate to, and of course some of my friends.
When I was 13, I never thought about suicide, I mean ya sometimes I was sad but it wasn't about teenage stuff it was when I was bored mostly, I would see on the news every now and then about a plane crash or somebody dying of cancer, and cluelessly I thought that would never happen to me. I believed everything my parents said, even when my dad said he would be there to see me graduate, and how proud of me he would be when he would get to see me up there, or when he would first hear about having a grandchild.
I mean, I should go back to that night, every year I go to my grandmother's a couple weeks before Christmas so we can make stuff for the whole family, well I spend the weekend there, and so Friday night was kind of a normal night, I was kinda feeling sick though so I went to bed early. My grandmother woke me up and my mother was hysterical, we rushed into the car and all I can remember hearing her ask if my dad was ok. Of course, this made me hysterical too. Nobody told her what was going on, so when we arrived, we were told he didn't make it. I don't know why, but when I was told this I stopped crying, I still have no idea why. My cousin hugged me, and our dogs were shaken up, but I felt like I died on the inside. I don't really want to go over this in detail, but you know we were actually really close.
So moving on, the School sent me a poster(all the kids wrote their names and said they cared) but I threw the poster in the closet and haven't looked at it since. Maybe I'm wrong here, but I can't be fooled, because the year before another girl's mom died and we all had to sign a card. Looking back now, I know some of them probably really did mean it, but some of them didn't. The first day I came back to school, I almost got in a fight because of a verbal argument. The kid knew he could set me off and he did, with just one saying. "At least I still have both of my parents." I still hate him with a burning passion, but I'm not going to cheapshot him unless he irritates me again.
In the summer of 2012, my mom met another man, took her about 4-6 months I honestly can't remember what month they started dating. Ever since, home life has been crap. They have a kid, and well I'm pretty sure they can't wait until I'm 18 so I can move out. Im not saying this because of the baby either it just seemed like this before too. One of my best friends stopped talking to me completely because he liked my dad so ya.
My mom wanted me to get therapy because that year I went from having 3 advanced classes to failing 3 classes. Of course this was Middle School so they just sent me off to the next grade. I didn't even get Therapy, I just put on a smile and told her I didn't need it, up until this point, I have done this to a lot of people. People at school treat me like crap, well most of them anyway. I mean, just I don't know why. Maybe because I'm not the best looking guy in the world, I have no idea, and I don't really care.
Since then, I have been angry, not at my dad for dying, but just at everyone. It seemed like people only put up with me because of my dad, and now that he was gone, nobody gave 2 shits about me. I mean, I am kinda lucky though, I see some stories of when that happens to a kid they go off the deep end. I am kinda close, I mean I have come close to a few things in my life, but now im just the quiet kid. Hell my best thing going for me now is I'm writing books in my free time and that's not even getting me far.
I made this blog for 2 reasons..
1.I kinda had been hiding all of this and it feels good to vent, even though most of you care it's still good to type all of this out
and 2.For the people that do, and for the friends I do have on this site, thank you
aw :(
you must be really strong to have gone through this, i hope it helped to get it off your chest. if you ever need anyone to talk to, my skype is alexthegreat510!
Sackeshi I don't care about the T$? I have 200T$ and I don't even want to use it if I could I'd give away I am not selfish, I just wanted this blog to get out there because I just want people to hear my story, and honestly why don't you go say this to the people spamming people for designs
Fuck off sackeshi youre such a bitch for thinking that
flamergamer8 I am so sorry ): I'm sure a door of happiness will open for you soon and then you will be happy. Your dad is always with you in the inside
I love you stay strong
I would of never gussed you had been through all this!
Your such a strong person!