Not everyone knows me, probably no one cares. But I have a message I want to say - even if no one hears. Tengaged has been a big part of my life and when I was down, it was something that kept me up. As people know, I drink a lot and it's not something I'm proud of. I just want to get off my chest that I drank for a reason.
About five years ago I became more honest with myself and was hiding something from everyone. I enjoyed being on tengaged because it gave me a refuge and I could be like someone else that I wasn't. What I was hiding is that despite never being nothing but a man here, I am a woman inside. And yes, I still have male parts. But I've known for quite a while that I didn't feel right. I've been a woman in a man's body. Yes this sounds cliche on tengaged. But think about it. I have nothing to lose or gain by sharing this information. Quite a few of you know as well that I've had many female "identities" on other websites and I feel so real and genuine when I'm doing that. So many things that men do just don't feel comfortable to me. I didn't like my man parts, it was just so ugly and wrinkled. I thought it was weird to pee standing. I hated men and everything it stands for. I always envied the attention women get and how much easier it is to relate to people as a female.
So with this blog, I just wanted to write a love letter to tengaged for making me feel comfortable with this life of mine and to make sure that for those women in men's bodies or vice versa, that you really have a place where you can feel safe. I am so glad that tengaged is a place that respects men who want to be females and vice versa. I know gender-faking has been an issue, but I honestly wasn't around on the site when that was a big issue. I never met a single one of them on tengaged. I'm not the type to befriend people who are not genuine. But I hope that everyone who feels transgendered gets the opportunity to feel as loved and accepted as I do. On this site, I've met plenty of amazing males, and I hope that one day I can be as supportive as they were to me. And I've met plenty of genuine females, and I hope to be half the woman they are.
I drank myself to death pretty much and if it weren't for some really great skype friends who understood my situation and finding transgender groups around town - I'm not sure where I would be today. Right now I'm actually eleven months sober. I used to do HARD stuff. I was angry at my body and one drunk night almost castrated myself (after watching the documentary American Eunuch), but all this time away from the internet allowed me to do some real soul searching. Everyone who knows me knows that this is the real me. Alex1991 has been a true support for me and I'm glad that AlphaBravo never rejected me when I first told him. He was the first one. He helped me connect with Anthony, who was my first trans mentor.
All I want to say, is that it gets better. Whether you're questioning your sexual preferences, or if you're unsure what gender you were born as, just know that there are others to help you out. I've been lucky enough to be taking hormones for about seventh months now and I'm saving up for a trip to Thailand and am researching doctors out there and starting to email those that have gotten the procedure done over there. What I really want to do is just give out resources to those who are thinking they are truly transgendered.
+11 :)
I don't know you but I'm here to talk if ya need it! I know how hard it is to post blogs like that and I truly respect you for it! Stay strong! < 3
god bless pablito things will work out, you're so brave for putting this out there and i'm sure an inspiration to people on here that aren't so confident in there selves.
