Right....
I just wanted to kinda say some things after being branded arrogant by a judge.
Yes, I may be very hard surfaced and out there compared to the timid characters that enter these competitions. But please, please, please, dont mistake that for arrogance and confidence.
I was very close to quitting because I was so embarrassed by how bad I was one week. I was genuinely panicking so much over submitting something that I knew was just absolute crap. I have 0 confidence in real life. I have 0 belief that I am a good singer. I honestly dont ever for one second thing im great at anything, and it's upset me a lot that people seem to think im arrogant or nasty or whatever. Every single person in this competition I think is much better than me, and dont for one second put myself above any of you.
I am shocked every single week by how good i do in the rankings and how good the comments i get are. I get that I struggle to get emotional in songs, and thats because im so used to not showing my emotions and weakness or whatever. It's something I do struggle with and I do accept that I need to improve on that, and have always admitted and accepted the comments about my emotionless songs. I dont for one second shrug off anyones critiques on my singing and every week take them very personally and try to improve every single week. I think its very unfair to say I have problems with any critiques on my singing given to me by any judge as I have never said anything bad about the comments about my singing.
What I will stand up for and will take offence to is when my personality is brought into things. I'm not an arrogant person, im the complete opposite. I dont buy certain things because I worry too much about what people think, I dont go out with friends because im worried i wont look good enough and so on. For someone to say Im arrogant, especially someone who doesnt know me, it really does upset me.
I just want everyone to know that...I dont ever, for one second, think I am better than anyone here. You're all brilliant. I am constantly surprised and wowed by performances given by all of you. You all have a great talent and should use your talent. I KNOW I will be 4th. I have said to Tolis since week 1 that I know I will be out first in the final. My goal was never to win, it was to just make the final. I know I wont win, anyone who assumes I think I will is silly - I have done 3 of these things and have made the final each time but never won. Why the hell would I think it would be different now? Especially with this level of talent.
So please, I may get defensive when my personality is attacked, especially when things are said about me that aren't true, but do not mistake that for arrogance or cockiness. Im the complete opposite. I actually WISH i had more confidence in myself as I would be a lot happier.
Anyway, sorry for the wee essay here.
Good luck to everyone in the final. You're brilliantly talented, awesome people.
Thanks for this experience.
