We are entering the festive season now, so I suppose everyone is coming around for some warmth, positive vibes and some lists of favourite songs, like #fritzyyyyy's. Well, it's time to put it to the end: prepare yourself for a list of 15 dick-sucking, ball-licking songs that I got to hear in TSC this year.
Notes:
- All songs sent in TSC between 226 to 264 are eligible (except for the 70s and 90s themed contests + throwback TSC)
- YET AGAIN, this is based on my personal opinion. Please do not take any offense from what I think of as they are strictly my thoughts, but I have no idea whether this disclaimer is useful because EVERY YEAR I get someone complain about it. Don't read it if you get offended, easy as that, if you are gonna cry about that then do it somewhere where you don't look like a fool.
- Contrary to some weird belief, I don't believe that my music taste is better than anyone else's. This list is for you all to have some fun and laugh at possible comments I make.
- If you are disappointed that your stinker isn't on this list (unlikely), there will be a dishonorable mentions list just for you to fap to your own entry!
Last year, Karmin finished 1st on my best-of list, so this dip in form should honestly make you wonder. I cannot deny Amy's rapping skills - she is probably one of the better female rappers around, but who gives a flying fuck about how talented you are when you get a song like this. The constant tempo changes, weird and ineffective backing vocal and nasally rapping all contribute to the suckage that this song undoubtedly is. This song completely does not know what it wants to be, and that's probably the main problem with it. After they released this song, they never saw charts success ever again, and now you know what is the reason for that.
14. Montaigne - In The Dark - #onemanarmy, TSC259, 16th, 31 pts
I'm all for being unique when it's executed properly, and unfortunately Montaigne got the wrong end of the stick. The backing track and the melody are actually more than decent, probably one of the better ones I heard in TSC this year, but there is one thing that completely ruins it for me: the misuse of special effects on the vocal. It is kind of a mix of tune-yards and a botched robot who malfunctioned while trying to masturbate to some robot porn, and if you really want to look up if such thing actually exists, I'd rather you not go so far with your fantasy. To conclude, this is just a bit painful to listen to.
will.i.am: So L.A. Love did ok on the charts, but for someone from a group as huge as ours, I expected a little more. Do you have any ideas on the concept of your next single? You know what they say, sex sells, but even people like Mariah Carey tried to go for it, and it didn't exactly work out.
Fergie: She tried to be what I call "classy sexy" which obviously could have only failed! Will, don't get me wrong, but I really want to go back to the sound I had in my debut album! That worked!
will.i.am: No, no, that kind of music doesn't sell anymore. We need you to stand out in the crowd, something that will catch people's attention no matter what!
Fergie: Well, there's this one song inspired by my son Axl...
will.i.am: Perfect! I already have an idea! I mean, look at your body after your pregnancy, a sexy mother image! And you know, kids are currently on the trend that revolves around the term MILF!
Fergie: That's a brilliant idea, I can't believe I didn't think about that! Let's turn it into something provocative! That's so trendy!
will.i.am: We have a deal then! Just remember to pour some milk on your body during the filming...
Fergie: Wait, what?
12. Brian Wilson - Surf's Up - Snick427, TSC236, 29th, 0 pts
Brian Wilson is a member of The Beach Boys, the group known for making cringeworthy surf, christian and what they call rock but it's actually not music. This entry is a cover of one of their songs, and Brian does the impossible - he manages to make his own version sound even more horrible than the pungent original. Not gonna lie, I laugh everytime when there is a break in music, because I don't expect anything more horrible to happen afterwards, yet that occurs every fucking time. This song is 4 minutes long, yet after a minute and a half I already want to be done with it, and I think Snick realised how bad this single is, because he'd end up not voting - not helped by the fact that he was surprised that participants have to vote in TSC. Good riddance.
I actually like(d) Montaigne, but I completely understand hating it.
Now, let me to offer a rebuttal to Ricktworick1 .
First off, the Beach Boys never did Christian music. How you got that idea is beyond me. Your lack of knowledge on this subject reveals a lot.
Second, the reason I picked that particular version of the song (rather than the original, which, I will admit is sung better) was because of the TSC's stingy rules. I couldn't pick a song from earlier than 2005 (because no good music existed before then, apparently), and I couldn't pick a song that was over 5 minutes long (because no good song is longer than 5 minutes, as we all know).
Third, the reason I didn't vote isn't because "I realized how bad this single was." It's because there's no reason for me to vote if I don't care for any of the other songs, AND people aren't giving my song a fair chance, thereby insulting my intelligence and musical taste. At that point, what the hell kind of incentive do I have to participate? My vote wouldn't have made a difference anyway.
Lastly, I wanted to take a risk by choosing this song. I knew it was either going to be loved for its inventiveness and unorthodox structure, or it would be hated for the same reasons. I remained optimistic that it would be loved, but clearly I was wrong.
I expected the host of TSC to have just a TINY amount of taste and open-mindedness. Your feelings reflect badly on yourself, not on me.
Also, as a fan of trash, I should be able to get behind M.I.L.F.$, but something about it is just so off-putting to the point where I can't even appreciate how shitty it is.
fritzyyyyy what i hope for is for some deluded people who think their music taste is so good that they got last place to stop making themselves look like idiots - I'm providing help there
WHen i saw this i thought "Lets see Maria Bethania snatch that crown..." iwas disapointed when the theowbacks couldnt be here, but Hopelessly was sent by me so who knows?
TBH ricktworick1 that was how I also felt at first, but for some reason I went back to it, and then again and for whatever reason it just grew on me...lol Fair enough criticism though.
Highly interested in this. :)