Hey there, ladies. I created this account to get this off my chest. I also hope someone finds it mildly informative.
I am your bikini waxer. We really need to talk about something.
Your hygiene is a problem and someone needs to tell you this, apparently. You would never dream of seeing your gyno and not be freshly showered, why wouldn't you have at least the same standard for me?
I get it. You came in straight after work. I understand, you fought traffic to be on time and I offer these late hours to accommodate you.
You also know that in the course of the day you peed multiple times and maybe dropped a deuce. Hell, maybe you worked out on your lunch break. Maybe you take baths at night. All things considered, please clean up yourself.
I do more brazillians than any other service. I am amazing at it, by the way. I have tons of experience and have a large clientèle and get endless referrals. If you live in my town and get waxed, I have waxed you. My shop is in a swanky neighborhood, you are educated, professional and generally pleasant in most ways. But you have GOT to tend to your ass before you come see me. But you don't!
I don't know why that is. I do not understand how you are willing to just throw it all up there in my face and are not clean. Really, I don't understand, do you hate me? Do you know what it takes to do my job? Do you have any clue how many vaginas I have seen in my lifetime? I have something you don't have because you "can't imagine doing my job". But yet-the very reason you can't imagine it , "you can't imagine what I see" -you do not apply it to yourself.
If you rock a bush most of the time, but have it all taken off occasionally or, have gone long periods of time without a wax and your hair is really grown out and thick you must know that your discharge ( please, spare me-everyone has it, all of you) collects in your hair during the day. So, once you get to me, I have to look at and deal with your crusties hanging in your hair. I have to pull it apart from the other side it is fused to with my gloved hands.
Back to pooping because that's a big one. You pooped today at work. Maybe a bunch. Maybe you ate something bad last night. Maybe you used the bathroom no one else does or ran home or pinched one off at lunch. You are aware that it is very rare to have a clean break. Toilet paper really doesn't get you clean. Wipes will. Water and soap will. Even some wet toilet paper would do a better job than dry toilet paper.
So the minute I have you pull back your leg to access your ass, the smell of shit knocks me right in the face. Do you know that when I apply the wax and remove it with a strip, your shit is on it? Yaaa. Do you know your poop residue is just making itself known all around my general head/nose/face area? I am pretty close to you at that point.
I make it known to you that I have baby wipes sitting by the chair where you put your pants. AND YOU STILL DON'T EVEN FUCKING USE THEM! USE THEM. USE them to clean your vulva. In the folds. Run it up your ass crack. Was there poop on it? Get a fucking 'nother one!
Finally, can we please talk about your general lady bit cleaning procedures because tonight was the end of the line for me. I always say I have seen it all, and I am always wrong.
You know that when you shower, you not JUST wash your outer lady parts, right? Of course you do. You would never say, NEVER EVER WASH between your lips and inner labia area, right?
Ya well, the late 20's-professional-with-a-killer-corporate job (so, you have an education) lady I had tonight has apparently never done this. What I saw can not only not be unseen but it cannot be unknown. This was no normal level of end of the day discharge build up in your inner labia area. This was WTF-have-you-EVER-washed-in-there-ever level stuff. I will spare you a better desription but, dude, someone did not educate you on how to clean yourself. Nothing on earth but time would cause the build up and color (and, texture!) of what I saw. She also seemed confused when I went to wax the thin line of hair that is just inside the outer labia. She "did not know she grew hair there". She also apparently "did not know" she had any hair in her ass crack and she had PLENTY. She was genuinely surprised to know it.
I can't with that woman, I hope I never see her again. Oh ya and, I am so sorry for your boyfriend who is coming into town this weekend. Your self awareness was really something I can't believe.
I am all up in your area. It is one of the ways I have made a living for a long time. I enjoy what I do and I enjoy seeing you every month. But please, please-wash or use the wipes-EVERYWHERE I will be. It is bad enough that I also have to smell your feet that were in your shoes all day, clean your ass at least.
Sorry this is so long but I swear that I am seriously considering retiring from this professional because you all are pushing my limits.
Comments
OMG I'm so sorry :( I promise I'll keep my Vagina clean
