So I just need to type and get shit off my chest. So as nobody on here will really care it doesn't matter much what I say so I'll just say it before I post porn. Tengaged has been a part of me for 3 and a half years. People have told me how bad it is for me. Even people I met on tengaged. And my view of it has changed many times. As of right now tengaged feels like I place I've kinda let myself give up on life. And its not really the site in general that do that but some of the people I met. When I met Eoghan (Cosgrove ) he meant my entire world for almost two years. I feel like the me I've been trying to be in real life has been shaped with the relationships I've made. I feel happy and proud of myself when I can be this amazing person. With Eoghan, we had many problems. One of them was because I thought I wasn't funny enough for him. Because he had two otehr friends wo could make him laugh and our conversations were always serious. Now this same issue is something I felt irl, and to this day still do.
As most of you know, Keitho44 and I are great friends. And how this relates to my problem, Keith may have been the first person I've ever been able to be myself around and actually feel like I can be fun and joke around. In real life I have nobody. And Keith and my on/off boyfriend Matt (Mckewon1990) are the only two people I feel like I have.
I've been depressed and breaking down all the time for the past couple of months and I feel like what I really need is real life. But when I start to think about making the step into life, I freak out and I just want back on tengaged. I just want to message Keith or talk to Matt. Or text Ryan (Amelya ). And sometimes even I have Diego (db1994 ) there to help me... People on this site are who I depend on most. And I know by being off tengaged it won't really stop that. I can still talk to all of them by other means. But its a first step to not making more of these friends. These people mean a lot to me and I don't regret meeting them. I've burdened them all by my problems and have angered all of them by my constant lack of motivation and just complaining. All of them have tried to help me and they're all getting fed up with me and I'm hurting the only friendships I have.....And I'm really sorry to them all. I have nobody in real life, but thats my own fault.
I start therapy Monday and I Pray to god that I can remove this negative frame of mind from my life. I have no hope right now. But I hope I can figure this out soon.
1. I'm not a virgin LIE
2. I've smoked weed TRUTH
3. I've never thrown up from drinking. TRUTH
4. I've smoked cigarettes LIE
5. I've been to Europe TRUTH
6. I've never had a boyfriend I met in real life. TRUTH
