I share stories about my life frequently and there is a person who comments on my stories pretty often but when I comment back (usually using sarcasm) to start conversation they pretty much just like my comment or leave me on read. What is the point of commenting on the stories all the time then? I dont know why this pisses me off that much, I would have even blocked that person If I did not know them irl.
Elissa is better BB player than Rachel. The fact that she positioned herself from being a target to slide under the radar for a while amazes me. Sure she benefited from a twist but so did Rachel (Actually Rachel benefited from a twist,come back comp, AND a rig). Elissa had great strategic and dynamic game, jumped from a ship to another. The only thing she suffered from was her emotional social gameplay
She suffered from playing with a superior BB player Andy. If not for him, she would have survived that double eviction and even won the game (p.s: Andy is a great BB player people saying otherwise are just haters lol.)
It is crazy how religious I was when I was a high school student. I was actually more peaceful with life, didn't care about death and being close to God gave me so much strength. I think I was more mature too. However after 2012 (I consider this year turning point of both my inner world and the world overall) my character shifted in a direction that I couldn't control somehow someway. I def have everything an average person would want other than my love life which is not existent but something doesnt feel right. I need to fight for something like I used to in high school I just don't know what for.
often times I caught myself thinking about that shift after 2012 and It makes me feel shit to be stuck on the past. I am not unhappy or depressed I am just...restless maybe?
so another year is coming to an end, I reflect on my life and my past years as I always do almost every year.
It is interesting to say that Tengaged was big part of my early young years. I struggled with social phobia through my all life, so when I started to study university, It came back and it came back big. That was when I spent my life on Tengaged for almost 2 years. It was by far the biggest part of my life. Some will say I am a loser, and I think I was. However, Tengaged made me feel there was whole another world and lifes around the world which made me feel secure and safe in some way.
This site took a lot from me but also taught me some things. Acceptance and seeing people having similar struggles made me feel I was not alone. I started to accept myself and the relationships I made contributed that which I am so thankful for. I still wish I spent those years in more productive way but everything happens for a reason I believe. No regrets.
If I have to say though, my only regret is, I did not continued the friendships I made. I had 5-6 close friends on this site but they all fade away. Even though they were online friendships, they meant something to me and still do. For example, I wonder what Emmaleigh and his brother Alex are up to. What is Godrik who was so so nice to me doing nowadays? Ruli, my first Tengaged friend, does he have the happiness he deserves in his life? Brittney, is he happy and still so careless? :D. Last but not least tymu888. I miss that guy. I tried to reach out to him but felt like he was giving me cold shoulder so I stopped. Those people, I really love but no idea what they are doing.They were my friends when I had 0 in my real life. I guess It is just too late for that now. I have myself to blame, because of my insecureness,I wasn't really opening up to them so I guess It left bittersweet taste in their mouths. There are hundreds of other people I somehow know and since they are older now I wonder what they are up to. If someone wants to catch up, I am always open to that..
I wish great people on this site did not leave. I am also very inactive but checking once in 4-5 days probably because out of habit lol.
Anyway, I guess thats it. Idk why I did this but oh well. Happy early new year. Don't ever forget that you are not alone in your struggles, world does have so much to give, you just need to be strong, fight and pay some prize. I still have my struggles but not one day I've given up hope that world is indeed a good place overall and as long as you breath, there is always next and better day :) #casting
