YOU MAY HAVE HEARD ONE OR TWO, OR MAYBE ALL OF THESE...BUT I STILL DARE YOU NOT TO LAUGH:
1. How important does a person have to be before they are considered "assassinated" rather than "murdered"?
2. When you "put your two cents in" when it's only "a penny for your thoughts", where the hell is that extra penny going?
3. Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours crying?
4. If a deaf person goes to court, is it still considered a "hearing"?
5. Why do people pay to go up in tall buildings, and then put money in those binocular things just to look at the ground?
6. Why is "bra" singular, but "panties" plural?
7. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a black crisp, that no human being would even eat?
8. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
9. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
10. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all those ACME gadgets to catch the Roadrunner, why the hell didn't he just buy dinner instead?
11. Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but a hemmorhoid when it's on your ass?
12. Isn't it funny how when you blow in a dogs face, it gets mad at you, but when you take it for a car ride, it sticks it's head out the window?
13. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
14. How much bigger would the oceans be if sponges didn't live in them?
15. If people throw rice at American weddings, do people in Asian weddings throw apple pie?
16. If a person with multiple personality disorder threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
17. If a cow were to laugh, would milk come out of it's nose?
18. After eating, do frogs need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
19. If you were to send styrofoam and bubblewrap through the mail, what would you package them in?
20. Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
21. Whose cruel idea was it to have an "s" in the word "lisp"?
22. How come you never see the headline, "Psychic wins lottery!"?
23. How do "Please keep off the grass" signs get there in the first place?
24. If Hooters started a door-to-door meal service, would they have to change their name to "Knockers"?
25. Who shuts the door at the end of the night when the bus driver gets off?
26. If a man were to say something in the forest, and there was no woman around to hear it, would he still be wrong?
27. How do you throw away a garbage can?
28. If a mute were to swear in sign language, would their parent wash their hands off with soap?
29. Before drawing boards were invented, what did they go back to?
30. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it homeless or naked?
