My tengaged Name is Ozzy.
My in real life name is something personnal that i won't share with anybody. If you are close to me, then, maybe i'll tell you.
I am 6' tall, very skinny, 21 years old, white (almost like Edward Cullen... fml) with brown hair and green eyes. I never really found myself beautyfull or even cute.
It took me a long, long, long time to actually respect myself. I've been trough the bully at school, some people litteraly humiliate me in front of all the school, but i didn't gave up, i grew up and i've learn from that. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Still, my self estime was on the floor. I was in 9th grade when 7 people close to me died, year by year. My 2 grand mothers, 3 oncle, 1 aunt, and one of my childhood best friend and cousin. She was 18 years old, she was supposed to graduate with me. She was killed in a car accident, by a drunk driver who left her dying and ran away. She was 18 years old. The day after one of my uncle died, a boy from my school took a badminton racket in our gym class and hit me in the face with it. He didn't knew what i was going trough. He never knew.
I was at the university when two people that i was friends with died. They both commited suicide. In the past, i had saved one of them. And i felt guilty that i wasn't there to help him again. I felt like i let him down. I never forgived myself for that. I never will.
I grew up without my father being there. I mean, he WAS there, but he never told me he loved me (except when he was drunk) and he was pretty mean with me all the time. My mom told me it's because he grew up himself without a father, so he didn't knew how to act with me. It took me a lot of years to forgive him. I was 19 when i finally did. I spent a lot of time with him, getting to know him, and actually starting to love him. And then, he told me he as cancer. He won't die now, but he will soon or later. He won't be there for my little sister's wedding. He won't be there to see me realise my dreams. And i enjoy every single day with him, even tho he still get on my nerves sometimes.
I was like a second father for my little sister, i kinda raised her to become the respectable women she is now. I protected her over the obstacles of life, i helped her when she was in trouble, even with the police. I also helped some kids that are not in my family from blood. I raised them. Without me, not that i wanna be cocky, they probably would have fall in the drugs world. Right now, one of them is at the university, the other one is at secondary school. I am proud of these three kids. They are more than brothers and sisters for me, they are kinda my children from heart.
This year, my mom told me that she has heart problem. At every momen she can have a heart attack and die. So, every day, i am scared that i might lose her too and become an orphan,all alone.
Life is not a simple game, life is a war. Every day, i am trying to survive. Every day, i am trying to smile, even tho i am dying inside. I spent most of my life trying to help the others, i never asked anything in return, except for a little bit of love.
At the age of 19, i met Dan. It was litteraly a sunshine in a life full of darkness. I felt in love with his beautyfull blue-grey eyes. When i was looking at him, it was like the whole world was better, the whole world was not pain and sorrow anymore. I felt like i was falling without even falling by only looking in his eyes. He was everything. He was my heart, my soul, my blood, my life, my world. Everything. None of you can even imagine how i was loving him. And one day, he just dissapeared.
In the blank of an eyes, every roads that i've shared are gone... just gone. It was bad for me to be angry at god that i was alive...
The reason why i am telling you this, is that none of you knows me irl. And even that blog is just a look at what i am going trough everyday. No one here really knows. I have some amazing people surrounding me, helping me to survive everyday, but none of them can even imagine the pain inside.
That's me, my name is Ozzy, and i am an human. I have feelings. And when people call me an alchoolic or a loser or a dramaqueen on this site, it does hurt a little bit. When people are trying to say that i am lying about anything concerning my boyfriend, it litteraly makes me cry. I have nothing to proove to any of you. But, whatever, it has nothing to do with all of this.
I can also imagine, how some people feel when Stokes and Faygo are attacking them over games, insulting them, blogging about them. Yes, i can imagine. I am their new target so far.
But i can also imagine how they feel to come on a website, everyday, with people making hates blogs about them, insulting them, calling them names, and i kinda feel bad that i was one of these people. Even if they did hurted me, they did made pathetic move toward me, they did, it is not a reason to bully them. I don't know a lot about their real life, and not a lot of you can't say the same, and if i am going trough all that stuff, maybe they are going trough worst. So, from the bottom of my heart, i do appologize for everything that i've said. Tho, i won't appologize for being true to myself, standing up for myself, and telling the truth about them. I didn't lie. Also, I do appologize for insulting them.
Stokes has been one of my long time best friend on this site, and it does hurt to know that for a single game, a friendship can be broke. I also am sad to see how this website changed them... How from being a sweet person, Stokes became evil and mean. But, i do know some qualities behind the Stokes player, so i didn't lost all my respect.
Anyways, i just wanted to appologize to stokes2009 and Faygo, some of the things that i've said about them were totally useless. I do appologize to tartra for calling her a bad mom and for believing the lies about her. I do appologize to Davidfisher for being mad at him for defending her friend, i admire that quality. I do appologize to prince_charming for making some coments about his relationship with someone named Jarst (sorry i don't know your real name). I do appologize to all the people that i've offended.
I am not making this to look like a cry baby, or to satisfy any of the Lm or EW members. I am making it for Dan, because he would never wanna see me bully anyone, especially on a website. This is not the Ozzy that he knew when he was there.
I also appologize if i ever was mean or rude to anyone here.
I am not trying to be one of these freaks who expose their real life on this site. I just want you to know A LITTLE PART of my life and A LITTLE BIT better who is the real Ozzy behind the onlinegame player. And i think we all should do that. Because bullying on this site is going way too far. Tonight, i miss my boyfriend, it is literaly burning inside, all i want is to be with him, and that pain makes me realize all the mistakes i've made on this site lately.I don't want any sympathy and i am not trying to start a pitty party (like stokes said) but just for you to understand the lesson that i have learned, the lesson that i am trying to tell you. The bullying needs to stop, cauz we don't know each others life. I've been guilty too, and i admit it. This is the main reason of this blog.
I still don't like Stokes and Faygo, but i won't try to bother them anymore.
this whole faygo stokes bs made some of the people involved become attention whores.... regardless of that im glad i took time to read this. you seem like a good guy and i hope things start going your way.
Ozzy297 I feel for you. Don't you EVER forget that you are who you are. To me you are a great person, even though I haven't known you very long. I hope that you and I have an amazing friendship. ILY
I like you even more now Ozzy. You have had a tough life for someone so young :( It's so easy to get upset with people on this site. I'm glad you posted this blog ♥
My tengaged Name is Ozzy.