There are some times in a girls life, when she needs to just let things off of her chest. I never really had a good childhood. It's one of the things that drove my mother to leave my father and become a lesbian, which inspired me in my middle school and high school years to be the same. But some times...we women have to let people know about their past. Cause I mean..someone has to know. You know? We can't keep it bottled up inside all of the time.
So for a while, I thought for a while on how to let this secret out. The words never seemed to come, and I either ended up crying from me never figuring things out or from the emotions the memories brings back. But after a while, I realized that sometimes less is more.
I don't think everyone wants all the details to someones life that they barely even know, so don't worry, I won't get too in detail.
When I grew up all through elementary school, my father began to take a greater interest in me. In my grades, and my life and my friends..he always seemed so inquisitive about everything. He always had to know everything about my life. I was young and naive, so i'd stay up all night telling him all about 2nd grade or whatever grade I was going through.
Eventually things got worse, and he began to take his obsession with me to the next level. I remember the night when the cycle began, and the cycle continued for years, up until halfway through my sixth grade year, when my mother figured it out. I never spoke a word cause I just couldn't find my voice. I never knew what to say about it, or how to confront him.
Even today I still don't.
Anyways...so...yeah. I'm a victim. I was a victim of sexual abuse from my father for about 4 or 5 years. It has forever scarred me, and i'll never be the same. As a result of all the abuse, I have been diagnosed as Depressed, Schitzophrenic, and having an intense case of PTSD because of it. I tend to be anti-social except for good days, and thats why I am so quiet half the time.
I wanted to finally let everything off my chest, and let people know of what i've been through. I know i'm not alone, and I just wanted to set an example for people who are victims like me. For people who don't have a voice, like me. Just know, that people will listen. People do care.
I care.
I don't know if this will have any affect on anyone at all, or if people will just skip over it.
I don't know.
What I do know is that if you are suffering or have suffered from something like this...and you don't have anyone to talk to about it. Or maybe you are afraid to talk about it. Or whatever the reason may be...
You aren't alone. I've been through it too...a lot of people have. If anyone ever needs to talk about something like this, i'm here. Send me a mail or anything of the sort, and i'll respond as quick as I can, and help you out.
Stand up.
Arise and be brave.
You have a voice.
You are not alone.
Even if it seems like no one cares...
Smile, and know that somewhere out there...some one does.
In other words... SAY YES. Say yes to letting your story be known. Say yes to not being afraid anymore. Say yes to opening up to people about your past.
Don't let anything in this world hold you back anymore, cause you are meant for something more.
Anyways, so I went on a huge speech there. Anyways, the last thing I wanted to say was that I found a song that thoroughly described what I went through during the abuse, and I just wanted to share it. Just be warned that it is very graphic, and very intense. If you think you might not be able to stomach it, then you don't have to listen to it..i'll understand :)
I am Michelle Taylor, and i'm here for each and every single one you.
