#19- Samoa (19): This season, is in my opinion, the one with the most wasted potential in terms of the edit. The cast is really fantastic, the story lines are there and just waiting to be edited, and the outcome is an enjoyable finish. But instead, the editors decided to make the season into a preview for Heroes vs. Villain and all about Russell. I'm not going to get into his gameplay, because first of all this ranking is barely about that, and arguing about it is pointless, because the people that still support him at this point, will never stop supporting him and the argument is worn out and tiring. Even though I hate Russell, I really feel that if his edit was more toned down, and less overbearing, he could've been an entertaining villain with a good downfall, but instead the season is turned to be all about him (the confessional count for this season is unbelievable, Russell is at first with 108, and sec on place Shambo, only has 38 or so, meaning there's a gap of 70 confessionals between the top two. That's ridiculous.) which pretty much ruins the season.
But if you look underneath the piles of Russell they lay upon us, there is some good stuff here that is worth it, Galu for example, is one of my favorite tribes, and if they had edited them correctly and shown them to be the dysfunctional clusterfuck that all signs point to them being, they could've easily been one of the best tribes ever. The Foa Foa 4 are for the most part routable, if not mildly boring, and Brett becoming an underdog at the end after being in the majority the whole game while the Foa Foa 4 finally reigned control, was a nice switch and fit perfectly with the general underdog theme of the season. There's a bunch of underrated and under edited characters in here, that if had been on another season, could've been fantastic, and it really makes it worth it, there's also a couple of really good blindsides and confrontations from essentially the start, and there's never really a boring patch in the season.
~highlight~ Erik's vote off and the string of blindsides afterwards, Galu in general, Natalie winning, Ben vs. Yasmin. There's tons of other good stuff in here, you just kind of have to look for them.
Cast Ranking:
20th: Russell Hantz
19th: John Fincher
18th: Mike Borassi
17th: Ashley Trainer
16th: Russell Swan
15th: Shambo Waters (She really did have some hilarious moments though)
14th: Liz Kim
13th: Marisa Calihan
12th: Betsy Bolan
11th: Mick Trimming
10th: Kelly Sharbaugh
9th: Natalie White
These eight are all essentially tied in my eyes, but for the sake of ranking, here they are in a completely randomized order!
8th: Laura Morrett
7th: Brett Clouser
6th: Yasmin Giles
5th: Jaison Robinson (Has some underrated moments, like him owning Ben, but they're not always clear, so I get not liking him)
4th: Monica Padilla (The pre-HvV Courtney with her Russell impersonations < 3)
3rd: Erik Cardona
2nd: Ben Browning (Only Shannon challenges him as the most hilariously offensive pre-merge villain ever, and even then, Ben delivers more consistently)
1st: Dave Ball
#20- Fiji (14): Fiji is a season with some reasonably high highs and some VERY low lows. The cast of Fiji is largely unmemorable and mildly edited, but no where near to the extent of the last few seasons in this ranking. In fact, I'd say it has an average cast, with some likable, entertaining and hatable (in the best way possible) characters.
The season starts off pretty badly, with possibly the worst twist ever, Have vs. Have Nots, the unfairness of this twist ends up tainting all of the pre-switch episodes, which are pretty damn bad other than the last two which have some good build up with the Four Horsemen. After the switch, the season clearly gets better, with the better part of the cast taking over, but then comes the second complete bullshit twist in the season. Under the ruse of a merge (it was never really a fake merge either, they count that episode as the merge episode), the two tribes are essentially switched again. This is completely unfair. If it had some enjoyable or dramatic effects on the season I wouldn't mind t but it instead delayed the climatic showdown between the two major alliances for the next episode. The next episode is one of my personal favorites, with the fall of the Four horsemen, and that storyline ALONE may have bumped this season up a few spots. The next episodes after these are average with some good scenes, but aren't enough to make up for the lousy pre-merge. The car deal however, is one of the most interesting and complex moments in Survivor history from multiple stand points, and it is disheartening to see Dreamz be labeled as a villain and to see the storyline be reduced to 'Bad Guy betrayed Fan Favorite and ruined the season', the FTC is one of the worst, with the completely random (from what we now) hating on Cassandra, to two of the worst Jury Questions with Lisi (who I generally like, but her jury speech is just ugh.)
However, Earl is a badass, and he and Yau Man are enjoyable and charismatic, which make the predictable parts of the season at least a bit more interesting, but the lousy twists, average cast and shitty pre-switch/pre-merge are enough, in my opinion, to qualify for this spot.
~highlight~ Fall of the 4 horsemen
19th: Alex Angarita (Clearly the most douchy of the four)
18th: Erica Durousseau
17th: Jessica DeBen (LOL at Probst randomly loving her)
16th: Mookie Lee
15th: Gary Stritesky
14th: Anthony Robinson
13th: Edgardo Rivera
12th: Lilliana Gomex
11th: Rita Verreos
10th: Stacy Kimball
9th: Michelle Yi
8th: Sylvia Kwan
7th: James 'Rocky' Reid (Had his atrocious moments, but I enjoyed him at times)
6th: Kenward 'Boo' Bernis (Of course he is the reason Hantz was brought upon us, and that is an unforgivable sin, but he's likable, and his recurring storyline of getting hurt all the time was entertaining)
5th: Lisi Linares (meh probably should be lower)
4th: Cassandra Franklin
3rd: Dre 'Dreamz' Herd (Sue me, I like Dreamz)
2nd: Earl Cole
1st: Yau-Man Chan
Ugh ranking the cast is my least favorite part of this tbh, because there are so many UTR borewhores and mixed bags in the bottom few seasons. #survivorcjuddyjackyboyMrPokeguy901GohanKantuskikorus_JB_DatBlackGuyMasterchefsurvivor233lyseckititanium162
#21- One World (24): Yay we are now officially out of the seasons I dislike and into the okay seasons/good seasons with big flaws tier!
One World is an unpopular reason for a good reason, the pre-merge airtime is dominated by Colton, who is in my bottom five survivors ever and the post-merge is painfully predictable, but overall despite Colton, I find this season to be generally unoffensive, there are a few good moments, and it might be predictable but it is never completely boring.
It's an okay cast, with an okay result, with an okay edit, etc. but there are some really fun parts. Troyzan's delusions are pretty hilarious ironically and his little underdog stint is fucking funny, even if it was unlikable at the time, even comparing himself to Hatch seems hilarious now :)
Kim, to me, is the most boring winner ever, and I will always dislike her for being a giant MOR black hole of airtime, but I can't deny she played a pretty much perfect game.
I'm not going to get into Colton, because ugh. I do admit that I've come around to find Alicia ironically funny, but I will defend the fact that Alicia was just as bad as Colton.
The twist is actually one of my favorites, but it was poorly executed, and this season didn't have a strong enough cast to pull it off well either way.
So yeah, a pretty meh season of Survivor, but I don't dislike it.
~highlight~ I am a Tarzan fan, so him I guess, maybe Troyzan being a delusional g.od
18th: Colton Cumbie
17th: Alicia Rosa
16th: Kim Spradlin
15th: Kourtney Moon
14th: Matt Quinlan
13th: Kat Edorsson
12th: Christina Cha
11th: Leif Manson
10th: Monica Culpepper
9th: Nina Acosta
8th: Jay Byars
7th: Chelsea Meissner
6th: Sabrina Thompson
5th: Michael Jefferson (EDIT: Way too high, probably switch with Quinlan seeing as he was a fun early villain while Michael really only did have one moment)
4th: Troy 'Troyzan' Robertson
3rd: Tarzan Smith (MAYBE on rewatch I'll hate him)
2nd: Jonas Otsuji
1st: Bill Posley (these cast rankings are killing me)
#22- All Stars (8): The word of the day is UNCOMFORTABLE! I think it's fair to say that All Stars is one of the most polarizing seasons amongst the Survivor fan base. Some people love it for the fact that eighteen (well fourteen) of the biggest characters from the first seven seasons are fighting it out and for the fact that it's the season where Boston Rob undeniably becomes one of the bigger characters in the annals of Survivor history, and some people absolutely hate it.
I myself am incredibly split, of course the idea of the biggest characters from the original seven seasons of Survivor playing together sounds appealing, at the beginning it's like holy shit, I'm seeing COLBY DONALDSON AND RICHARD HATCH exchange playful jabs! or Im seeing RUPERT FUCKING BONEHAM AND RUDY FUCKING BOESCH FORM AN ALLIANCE! But all of this luster fades away pretty quickly once the harsh reality of an All Stars season settles in.
The bigger players, the winners, your favorites, will all be picked off early due to their huge targets and pretty soon you'll have your final three be made up of two alternates and your wild card pick.
Not only this, but due to the nature of pre-made alliances found in every single All Stars season, the seasons gets incredibly bitter. I don't mean bitter in a 'BOSTON ROB WAS ROBBED!' kind of way, but in a genuinely uncomfortable way, the final tribal council of this season is one of the worst and most uncomfortable moments in the history of Survivor.
But, to be fair, the beginning of the season almost lives up to its name, it's fun, epic and important until Richard is booted, even though the boots are all big names, we have interactions that you could have never even imagined before this season and people like Hatch (who totally proved his worth as a character and not just as the grandaddy of strategy in this season by the way), who clearly realized they were screwed and just decided to have fun, made it entertaining.
But even in these five episodes, you have the destruction of legacies, Rob Cesternino is blindsided in an embarrassing way that tarnishes his gameplay on his original season and Tina Wesson is voted off first which tarnishes her win and puts her more on the side of forgotten winners.
Still, overall the first five episodes are a lot of fun and if the season had been like that the whole way, it most likely would've been much higher up. After that however, things get ugly, and it starts off right away.
Sue Hawk's quit is the most uncomfortable moment in Survivor history (if you're keeping count that's two moments in this season that can be considered top 10 or even five in the most uncomfortable moments in Survivor history, hell even Rob C.'s face after being blindsided was and the way Jenna's tribe talked about her quit are up there ) sure it gave us the fun to use quote, but her yelling at Jeff on the beach is absolutely brutal, and accusing Richard of sexual harassment is the ugliest thing I have ever seen in Survivor, whether it was the truth or not.
After that, we get Lex blindsiding two of the most popular players ever, Ethan and Colby in a completely disheartening way (and later events of the season make it even more hatable, seeing as he essentially did the same thing to Ethan that Rob did to him) and a lot of Romber.
Which leads up to the next votes, I am actually going to admit that I find the Boston Rob/Lex saga fascinating, although it wasn't too fun to watch, it seemed like a real moment out of the Godfather series (You take her, I'll take care of you) and was absolutely one of the most cutthroat vote offs in the shows history. However, the affect it has on the season and the way it paints out the atmosphere the rest of it will have, lowers it's effect on me quite a bit.
After that it's just a straight pagonging with Boston Rob continuing to heartlessly slay his friends, and keep his girlfriend around and the jury to keep getting more and more bitter in an actual, outside of the game way.
The post-merge of the season is predictable with bitterness and pointless blindsides sprinkled throughout.
One might want to root for Boston Rob during this season because he comes off as a badass, but when you remember that he has talked to all of these people outside of the game and was real friends with them, before backstabbing them in a completely heartless manner, it makes it a much more harder argument, and even more uncomfortable, as you don't know who to root for.
The season becomes about pre-game alliances and friendships, and that theme and the inherently ugly atmosphere behind it tarnishes the season
So yeah, a fun and interesting season at some points and at others, a bitter, disheartening, disappointing, uncomfortable mess.
~highlight~ Richard Hatch, the first five episodes, and maybe taken at face value, the Lex boot.
Cast Ranking
18th: Susan Hawk (Just to see how bad the season is and how much it ruins legendary players, she would be up there in my overall favorites based on Borneo alone)
17th: Kathy Vavrick O'Brien (Same as Sue)
16th: Jenna Lewis
15th: Rupert Boneham (Same as Sue)
14th: Lex van den Berghe
13th: Tom Buchanan
12th: Rob Cesternino :(
11th: Alicia Calaway
10th: Tina Wesson :(
9th: Amber Brkich
8th: Rudy Boesch :(
7th: Colby Donaldson :(
6th: Jenna Morasca :( (maybe should've been lower)
5th: Rob Mariano
4th: Jerri Manthey
3rd: Shii Ann Huang
2nd: Ethan Zohn (he was really awesome and sarcastic this season, Zohn 2.0)
1st: Richard Hatch (of course)
#23- Cook Islands (13): Now we're out of the seasons I absolutely find abhorrent and painful, we're into the seasons that while I actively dislike, are either not inspiring in any single way at all, or have some parts of them that are just as bad as the previous three seasons.
Cook Islands is the former.
There are seasons that suck because of twists, editing, predictability etc., but the only season that I truly believe is singlehandedly bad because of the cast is Cook Islands. First of all it's the only season where I can't name every single cast member, in fact, I can only get 11/20, and out of those 11, 2 are painfully boring (Becky and Sundra) and are only memorable because they make it far and lol at that fire tie breaker, two are MOR to the max and don't inspire any feelings in me at all (Ozzy and Yul) and are only memorable because of their fan bases and the fact they got far. Another, (Parvati) is only memorable because of her future seasons, three of those (Sekou, Billy and Cao Boi) all leave pre-merge, and in fact Sekou and Billy are the first two boots of the season, and two (Candice and Nate) I don't even like or find particularly interesting.
That only leaves on person, who is Jonathan Penner, and Penner love forever, but I do admit that most of my love for him is compared to how painfully boring the rest of the cast is.
This season however has a fairly big fan base among the casuals and some others (which I do get, but will not defend), because of (I suppose) the Aitu 4 comeback. But let's be honest the Raros might be cliquey and unlikable but the Aitu 4 aren't much better, Becky and Sundra are plain and boring and Ozzy and Yul are both monotone and not exciting at all. For an underdog story to be good, the underdogs have to be likable and easy to root for, not completely uninspiring.
I barely remember this season, and I'm pretty sure it's not because I need a rewatch, because while I need to rewatch South Pacific and Guatemala, I still remember what went down, but this season to me, is just like the wikipedia page.
On another note, I actually like Yul's game, but I have to agree that the super powered idol and stuff like the bottle twist and random final three makes it hard to analyze it correctly.
This season is too uninspiring, so I'm just going to stop writing.
I do expect a few people to say this is too low, but maybe not.
~highlight~ Penner in general, and of course the final four tie breaker, because lol.
Cast Ranking (Today's theme is borewhores!)
20th: JP Calderon (Borewhore #1!)
19th: Nate Gonzalez (borewhore #2!)
18th-9th: Cecelia Mansilla, Stephannie Favor, Cristina Coria, Jessica Smith, Brad, Rebecca, Jenny, Sundra, Becky (9 WAY TIE!!!!!!!!! Borewhores #3-11)
9th: Adam Gentry (Borewhore #12)
8th: Candice Woodcock (You get the idea)
7th: Ozzy Lusth
6th: Sekou Bunch
5th: Yul Kwon
4th: Parvati Shallow
3rd: Billy Garcia
2nd: Anh-Tuan "Cao Boi" Bui
1st: Jonathan Penner
WARNING LONG WRITE UP AHEAD
#24- South Pacific (23): South Pacific is essentially a slightly better Redemption Island, but the reasons that it's better are completely valid, so this write up for the most part, I am going to focus on the positives! (So it might seem I kind of like this season, which I do kind of, but it's essentially a huge pile of shit overall)
The pre-merge to me was not overly amazing, but showed some potential, and the South Pacific cast actually seemed good with some interesting characters compared to RI, of course the edit was sloppy and Redemption Island took away 20 minutes from the episode for a carnival game, but some people shone through regardless. The pre-merge was average at best, but compared to the previous season season seemed amazing. (And the story was split between 4/5 people instead of 2/3! What an improvement *sarcasm*) but all of that went downhill quickly, the post-merge was predictable and incredibly uncomfortable to watch due to the religious undertones of every single Upolo scene.
The editing problems this season while they do include badly split air time, mostly come down to the fact that the people that end up being important, have shit edits through out. Albert and Sophie, two of the final three, one who is the winner are pretty much completely ignored the whole season until the last few episodes.
RI as a twist works a bit better this season because Ozzy while still giving of douche and self-righteous vibes, is semi-likable in this season, though, I root against him because if he won, the producers would think RI was a success or whatever, but he obviously didn't ^_^
In terms of the cast, I've already said that I actually think this one had a lot of potential, and would've worked as a non-returnee cast pretty well. The people voted off pre-merge are all likable, and most have some semblance of a storyline which is more than you can say for Caramoan/RI but despite that, their story lines are all connected to Coach and Ozzy and RI, which makes them seem more like supporting characters then individual players. Ozzy this season was more likable but I rooted against him more than possibly everyone else, which made his fall at the end, a lot better. Jim was kind of a big character, but I'm not a big fan, he gives off a lot of smarmy vibes and like I said before, overall just ends up being portrayed as a someone on Ozzy's tribe. Keith/Whitney are pretty boring despite showing signs of being important characters,
Cochran is definitely one of the biggest talking points of the season, and I'm still split, I really want to like this guy, but he does get annoying when he gets a shit ton of airtime, which they give him this season. And his flip was actually not that bad, but ended in a predictable pagonging.
And then there's Brandon, I get why people dislike him, but with him, I can't help but dig deeper than the edit they gave him. Him begin casted does suck, because it means it's the FOURTH TIME in five seasons that there's been a Hantz on Survivor which -_-, but he comes off to me at least as inherently likable and complex, despite just being portrayed as "oh my god what's this crazy Hantz going to do next?", and while I don't like him in Caramoan, due to sucking up all the air time, and his exit reeking of manufactured exaggeration, camera hogging and attention seeking (Although I do believe he has issues, whatever does issues may be), in this season, I find myself rooting for him to overcome his uncles legacy, especially with the retrospective information of how much shit Russell's put him through and how much he's treated him like garbage (although that's all thrown away now! Because Brandon has become a public dick.) Still, I do get why people dislike him and I expect on rewatch to be annoyed with him, so that bumps him down on my cast ranking
The post-merge does eventually just become the Uncomfortable Religious Undertones Show with John Cochran, Coach, Brandon and Ozzy! (and guest starring the rest of Upolo minus Sophie as mindless cult followers) but in those last two episodes, when Sophie starts shining, the season gets a lot better.
Basically, after a whole two seasons of unbalanced editing, shit twists and returnees dominating in every single aspect with Probst praising them along the way, Sophie decides she's had enough and decides to humiliate and destroy, Coach, Ozzy and Brandon, the three producer pets. It's pretty damn spectacular seeing her come out of no where and take out Ozzy who if he won, would have an even more present edit, would be regarded by the casuals as one of the best winners ever ^-^ and would directly cause redemption island to probably return.
It's essentially two episodes of fuck you to the producers, and seeing the fans break down after the fact was great. Of course, Sophie was barely present throughout the season, but at this point, I really didn't care, while Natalie beating Russell proved the fact that Survivor was a social game, the fan breakdowns over it and the changing of the perception of Survivor as a game, irks me to no end, but when Sophie beat not only Coach but also Ozzy (!!!), the fan break down was delicious and satisfying.
Not that it makes up for a season of boring, uncomfortable, badly edited bullshit, but it puts it up a spot over Caramoan for sure.
Oh I forgot to talk about Coach, who is one of my biggest complaints about the season, they essentially take a character whose hypocrisy, self righteousness and eccentric qualities were constantly mocked in his two previous seasons (resulting in probably the funniest/most ridiculous Survivor character but more on that later) and portray his negative aspects seriously, and try to turn them into positives. They turned Coach of all characters, into a self-righteous, hypocritical bore who is essentially just a gambot. If they had shown Coach as he's meant to be, a character who perfectly stands in the middle of the line between exaggeration and true hilariousness, but showed him in control and more of a villain, with Sophie serving as a foil, his bullshit would have been a lot more tolerable.
So yeah, SP is a season with a pretty good cast, and possibly interesting characters, that in just general execution was predictable and boring game wise, but could've been average with a fantastic ending, if they took out the religious crap and showed more of the eventual winner.
So it's essentially a Season 22 with a bit more potential if edited correctly (Even if RI had fairly split air time, it would still suck, because I believe that Ometepe is just that boring, and Rob would still win and be praised) that had a much better ending, and more than one storyline.
~highlight~ Final two episodes for sure
Cast Ranking (slightly edited a few minutes later):
18th: Benjamin 'Coach' Wade
17th: Keith Tollefson (Savaii bore whore #1)
16th: Whitney Duncan (Savaii bore whore ((ha because she cheated on her husband)) #2)
15th: Elyse Umemato (Savaii bore whore #3)
14th: John Cochran (I guess? This cast like I said, is pretty damn likable)
13th: Brandon Hantz (Every season in my bottom three has a Hantz. Coincidence? Actually, probably.)
12th: Rick Nelson (Upolo lovable background character #1)
11th: Jim Rice
10th: Semhar Tadesse (datpoetrytho < 3)
9th: Edna Ma (Upolo lovable background character #2 I really need to rewatch for her)
8th: Albert Destarade
7th: Mikayla Wingle (Upolo lovable background character #3)
6th: Oscar 'Ozzy' Lusth (If only for getting beaten)
5th:Christine Shields Markoski (Obligatory person in two/three returnee seasons that calls them out/targets them immediately once they get there < 3)
4th: Dawn Meehan
3rd: Mark 'Papa Bear' Caruso (random fav of mine)
2nd: Stacey Powell (BOOM. but seriously I just lolled at the fact that this woman might be in my top 2. Don't take these cast rankings to heart people, they're done on the spot)
1st: Sophie Clarke (Dragon slayed)
