My life started when my mom met some guy and had a one night stand that went wrong. When he left and I was born, my mom couldn’t raise me by herself. She put me up for adoption. I went to another family that was ok. Until my father decided to rape me and send me to the emergency room that is. That is why I will never be able to trust a person named Jeff.
After that a guy came to the hospital to take me to another family that only had room for girls. I was in that family for about 2 months and that is what I attribute my feminism to. Don’t get me wrong, it was a fun time over there but I was still wary about what just happened. During my stay there the girls there thought it would be fun if I were to join them in their little dress up games. Let’s just say I did have fun.
After a while I found out that I could only be there until they found another suitable home that I could stay at. I went to another house that was so much fun, mainly because of the food but fun none the less. After a 3 month long stay there I, sadly, went to a new family.
At first I was just stuck there and did not do anything. I was missing that last one, because of the WONERFULL marshmallow fluff sandwiches. But after a while I got used to them and they started to do the impossible and gain my trust. After a while I really started to like them, in fact at the tip of my trust for them, I got moved to my last family.
That moment right there really defines my life. If you trust somebody you WILL get screwed over. Because of that there are now two people in the whole world that I trust now. I have a few friends but I am afraid to make new ones, for the fear that they will leave me, like so many friends have before.
You make think you may know what I am going through, but you don’t. You will never know unless you have ACTUALY been there. And still another fact remains, you will never know because you grew up in the 1950’s while I, on the other hand, am growing up in the 1990’s and 2000’s. It is a much different world that we live in now.
For me today I find my only escape is writing. The only way to escape this world and enter my own world of complete peace, to avoid the pain and to TRY to avoid trying to kill myself for the 4th time. Never do I want to feel that much pain again. The amount of pain that just drives you to the brink of destruction.
The only reason I have ever gone that far is because I rarely ever let someone know my pain. My pain is mine to bear. I always say ‘No, I’m fine’ when someone asks if something is wrong. Even if the truth is that my world is crashing down all around me. And because I do this I write things that one should never even think.
One example of this is when I wrote the following right out of my own head: “One day when the world comes crashing down, will there be any one left to pick up the pieces? To put the world back together again? Or will it just continue to burn? Will it be covered in death, destruction, ash and fire? Left to rot? Will the universe forget about us? Just go on like we never existed? Will we be erased from history? Will any mark me make be erased and forgotten? If so, what is the point in doing anything at all? Ensure future generations? Why? I won't be around that long. Why should I care about people I don't even know? Let the world die! Kill it with fire! Burn it to the ground. Send the earth to hell! It's all pointless in the end. It does not matter what I do, it does not matter what you do. We are ALL going to die. No matter who you are, you WILL die. There is no stopping the Reaper. There is no stopping Death. No matter how much money you have. No matter how much you own. Nothing matters!"
This is the kind of writing that lets me get my rage out. I throw it all out there. If no one listens to me, well I don’t care. NO ONE listens to us “stupid, drug addicted, sex driven” teens anymore.
That is something else I just can’t stand anymore. The belief that all the teenagers are drug addicted assholes. Not every teenager uses drugs, not every teenager is a pervert, and not every teenager is an alcoholic. You are grouping all the teens together and I DON’T LIKE IT! But who cares about what I think? Do you? NO! Does the person net to you? NO! NOBODY cares about what I think.
For me I have a problem that most people have certain problem that most others don’t have to deal with. I am bi. A lot of people judge me on this and I am tired of it. One should be able to love WHOEVER they want. Now I am not saying I have a boyfriend. I used to but now I have a girlfriend that I love very much.
There is another thing that pisses me off. True love in the 21st century doesn’t mean anything. Most girls only want to go out with people that will just use them for the status symbol and not because they love them. Most girls wonder why the eventually get dumped. Seems pretty obvious to me!
But that is a look into the lives of the mysterious teen. Thank you for actually listening to me for one. Have a good day.
I love it, but the first part was kinda bullshitting.
As far as I know, its impossible to rape a baby.
Plus you left out the part where your parents went to jail and court for rape/custody matters. So, just saying. Its not very believable but I am adopted and I've been through foster homes too, so I have no other choice but to believe it. Well writen.
