Hello, my name is LubeDoctor
I've obviously wasted the first 30 years of my life and it looks like I'm well on the way to wasting the rest. I'm a moody bastard, a writhing, agonized disaster of a human being. I'm also self-obsessed, constantly pre-occupied with my mental state, various personal issues, and the perception that others have of me. I'm weak and needy, I know that, but that's what makes me a great friend to have. If you know me you can call me any time and I'll come running to your aid in any way that I can if at all possible, eager to help out. Most people don't realize this, however, as I appear anti-social, so they tend to leave me alone. This is probably a good thing, because I have a hard time telling when I've gone too far and have been known to wear out a few welcomes. I often find myself overwhelmed with guilt. I tend to spend a lot of time and energy reliving old memories, past conflicts, mostly; analyzing and re-analyzing them from various angles for hours, trying to figure out what happened. When I'm not stuck in the past I'm usually over-analyzing the present experience. I build myself up then tear myself back down again on a daily basis. At a certain point, however, my debilitating self-consciousness, self absorbtion, and general weakness shifts gears and I become an obsessed madman on a mission, totally willing to destroy myself just to prove a point. I mistake this trait for strength and conviction when it's probably a sign of mental illness. In a matter of minutes I can go from bored indifference to agitation to lust to anger to hatred to resentment to rage to hopelessness to joy and overwhelming compassion then back to indifference. This happens several times a day, and I really need to be settled down. I also have a problem with desire. I have a tendency to fixate upon certain females and I have to make a constant conscious effort to resist this tendency, otherwise I can go from zero to stalker in less than a minute. Managing the surging tide of desire and psychic energy is a difficult but important thing to do, especially when you continually feel the urge to succumb to it. I tend to place the blame for all of this mess on past relationships, years of rooting for a losing team (Mississippi State), economic forces (which are corrupt), human nature (which is weak and deluded), my personal failings, my constant overwhelming guilt, and the fact that a life dominated by shitty jobs and random distractions is not worth living ............Oh, I'm sorry, have I said too much?
