I need some advice, Tengaged. This is a very personal matter but I'll try to keep it brief.
So last night I was just hanging out, doing my yoga and trying some extreme positions (my new gf has been trying to make me more flexible). I was bent over the couch in a fairly awkward position when I suddenly smelled smoke! I tried to lurch myself out of that position, but I soon realized I was locked into it. I started to panic. I mean, if my gf came in right then...she might have seen my nu-di-ty, and that's only meant for the bedroom. Also, the smoke seemed rather dangerous. I knew I must have forgotten to put out the candles after attempting to summon Samael earlier in the day. If one of those had fallen onto the carpet, I'd be in big trouble!!
To make matters worse, the position I was in was rather uncomfortable. The breeze was touching me in the most sensual ways and my nips began to harden. I don't know why that is, cuz I'm a man, but anyway...so I started flapping my arms and soon I realized that I could pick up the whole couch with ease!!! It was a tremendous moment. But right at that moment my gf walked in and I panicked and threw the couch at her and killed her.
So, ok, the smoke was actually from the eggplant panini I had started moments earlier and then forgotten about. I don't know how I got myself into this mess. I really need some help right now. A shoulder to cry on. A helping hand (capable of carrying 370 lbs of dead weight).
In return I'll show you how flexible I've become? Fair trade?
