And because I feel like it and think people should know more about me, I want to do for every 25 points this blog gets, I will reveal something about myself with either facts about me or past experiences. =) ^,^
*edited this one*25- I am a typical Taurus, having my birthday on April 27th, born in the year of 1994.
50- I have 3 brothers and no sisters.
75- I was born in Quebec, speaking English—learning to speak French, at about age 10
100- Most people’s favorite subject in school was gym or they’d choose lunch because they hate school…well I’m an oddball who loved school and my favorite subject was mathematics.
125- I love to write and would love to be a screenplay writer and/or an actor.
150- I personally dread the morning because of screaming kids, so much people outside and it’s just makes me feel “urghh”, just thinking about it. So much people find this odd, but I just loving being up all night because I just can have peace and quiet while enjoy myself calmly. =)
175- I absolutely love playing tennis. For a chubby beotch, I can tell you I know how to take care of skinny bitches, whom I typical play against. #ExtraMeatWontHoldMeBackFromWinning ^,^
200- My favorite color of all the colors would be purple. My specific shade I love of purple is violet. It just is so dark and luxurious.
225- I would love to be on big brother and will be applying for B.B Canada, this current year.
250- My favorite alcohol beverage is Smirnoff Ice. Some may say “Oh my god, you’re such a panzy” and that can be the case, but beer just tastes like shit, in my opinion.
275- Now my favorite hard liquor is vodka (Smirnoff brand clearly) and tequila…but my most favorite tequila is Rose Tequila. It’s so creamy and smooth…just amazing and gets you drunk fast. =D
300- I am a very complex person, well I have been told. But I think because of me being so complex is a good reason why I can get along with so many people and rarely have someone hate me, for who I am as a person.
325- I have never met my father. He left when I was 2 and to be quite honest, I don’t really care about it because at the end of the day, there was nothing I could do, to change him from leaving.
350- I’m not someone who is very “family oriented”. I have parts of family that I could not live without and then, you have the part that I could not only leave without them, but I could leave without seeing them…for a long, long, long time. =))))
375- Little extra info with how I am in my personal life. I am a major control freak, I am what I’d call a “semi-germophobe”, I love viewing things with a positive mind-set, compassionate towards anyone whom is in pain—regarding to whatever they are going through and am an actual sweetheart. I may be a major bitch—at times, but I am a huge sweetheart.
400- I have dated a girl when I was 10 (if that even counts) and only have kissed a girl (a couple different ones).
425- So this was during the winter of 2013, before new year’s. I had gone with my friend, to see a guy she had been dating on and off…they were off this time, but might be going back on. So we got there and I was getting drunk over the shots of nasty Canadian whisky because the phone I was using (not mine) kept being taken and I was told to drink, to get it back. You better believe I drank that, to text with a guy I was into. So I had over half a dozen of not just shots, but half-filled glasses of that whisky with pepsi, to wash it down with. I was plastered, by the time we got to the bar; don’t remember the majority of it…my friend filled me in, when I woke up the next day. So apparently, I was throwing up multiple times and was a hot mess. My friend said they even pulled to the side of the road, so she could show me the proper way, to make myself throw up. After doing that, I apparently kissed her and said “Tu est mon meilleur ami Caro.” (translation: you are my best friend Caro) And this was my second and final kiss, I ever had with a girl.
450- *this goes after the previous one because this happened a month, after the one for 425 points* I have gone to Ontario once…To Ottawa, so I can meet up with a guy (the one I was texting to above). I had messaged with him before and one person we had in common and why we started talking because of the guy from June 28th, 2011. Being there, we got really close; we made-out and got to doing some fun foreplay together. I was supposed to be there for a week and instead, I left after being there for 3 days and somehow got friend-zoned. I thought maybe it was something I did wrong, but the prick informs me, that he started to date someone, after the second day, of me being there. Now that is a piss-off, when you wasted almost 100 dollars going there and coming back home, minus like 30 bucks that he gives you because he said that prior, to me going there.
475- So I went to a head-banging kind of bar last April (in 2014). It was a terrible experience. Not only did I wanna smash my head into a wall there, but the music was killing me, on the inside; I was only there because It was for my friend’s birthday and I went down to Montreal, specifically for that. So being there, I got to see people participate in going into a circle, just so they can shove each other around, like it’s a vicious version of ring around the rosy. Now only that, but I even felt asleep at one point, from the fatigue and boredom…to only wake up, to a girl spraying my face with her saliva. I don’t get why this twat was yelling because I couldn’t hear a thing, over the music.
500- My first time ever experiencing anything, was in a car, hidden in a shadows near a factory that was closed and with someone, who I didn’t find very appealing or intriguing--whatsoever.
525- I have participated in my first ever threesome or in French “ménage à trois”, early this February…although, it wasn’t what we’d call “fun”. It actually was a dreadful first-time experience. I would go more on this, but it just wasn’t good or interesting, to add more about it.
550- The first guy I went all the way with someone I had known for a few years (this happened exactly on June 28th, 2011). I had let him stay at my place because his apartment got burned down and where he was staying, the people were kicking him out and he was going to be sleeping on the street. So a couple days being at my place, he was lying next to me and told me I was cute…well no one ever said that to me before, so that got things going and before you knew it, we had gone all the way. Know the funny fact to this, is that one of my best friends were sleeping over and was sleeping in my room, on a cot that was at the foot of my bed. Now the karma of this all…this happened on a Tuesday and on the Friday, I found a bag under my bed and found it odd. Curious because I never put it there and under a smelly pair of jeans (that weren’t my size), I had found my yearbook. Odd right! I just checked through it and the prick wrote all the 5cent comments through-out the book, including personal messages to this guy, he was crushing on…on the image of the guy with his graduating suit and one in the back of it while also leaving one for me….in my yearbook and also writing “ugly”, on my picture…what a charming guy.
575- *Addition facts for the current thing I posted* I decided to make this 2 parts because so much with this. So this is about a year after it all happened. I was walking down the street with one of my other best friends (not the one in the room, during the “fun time”), and me were walking down the street, going to cross as we spotted the guy I did stuff with. As we passed him, he ignored me saying hi as he said hi to my friend. I asked her what was that about and she informed me, that he was pissed off because I was telling people (my closest friends mainly) that I had sex with him. Well I was flabbergasted because we had…I didn’t know it was supposed to remain a secret.
600- Now I am keeping this right after the first 2 because this partially goes with it. I have only ever had one actual boyfriend and he was online. I had met him on a site called “myyearbook—now called meetme”. We talked for a couple months, before dating in May and ended in November. One other piece of info, while I was dating him…this is when I had done stuff with the guy, on June 28th, 2011. Also, this is why it ended…due to me being a horrible person and cheating on him.
***From here on, the majority I will put write will be lengthy, so you get more of the story...so i'm sorry in advance, if you hate reading or not a fan of reading long paragraphs...I will try my best, to make them as short as I can.***
*New Addition*
625- One of the first times I had gone to a bar and actually got drunk, I was outside with my friends while smoking a cigarette. This guy comes by and starts casually talking to me. As a good 5-7 minutes passes by, the guy asks me if I want to go somewhere else with him. In my head, im saying no…but my drunk ass just blurts out “Yes, why not!” As I start to go with him, we stop about part way, on the side of the bar as one of my friends comes by. She starts explaining that I’m drunk as fuck and should go back and my ass again goes “No no Aly, I’ll be fine”. She stats to the guy, that I was a dude and not a girl; he kinda looks puzzled about this, but then says he knows…even though, he clearly didn’t know. My friend goes back and we continue—until we are in the back of the bar, hidden behind some small trees. My start to make out and my zipper starts to go down, when a different friend starts to pull me away and bring me back, to where everyone else is…I had to quickly like a drunk fool, zip up my pants before returning to my friends. ^x^
650- Ever since that one bad mistake, I have met quite a few different guys…but they either used me because I learned from that mistake and tried to be the best person I could be, so I tried so hard to actually care for everything they’d be going through and to try to always be there for them or use me for what they wanted and throw me away. Sometimes I think karma sees all the good I’ve done since that mistake and then boom, I see karma hasn’t let me get passed that major piece of bad karma, for all the good I have done/try to do.
675- So in January of last year till June (of 2014), I was seeing this guy that I met from my friend; she met him on a site called “Badoo”. We started talking because my friend wasn’t interested in him (he was white and she’s only for black guys) and he seemed like a nice person. Well, I was told that he was a jackass and should’ve listened, but I am a stubborn person…so I clearly neglected the info as fast as it was told. He told me he wanted something serious and I kept believing him, over and over and over and I just kept going on that goddamn, awful roller coaster. So someone on call is telling me to sum my stuff up, so the basic message is that the guy kept fucking me over and I wanted to believe so much, that some guy wouldn’t treat me like I’m some useless person on the side…well, I learned my lesson to stop trusting people, as much as I ever tried before.
700- So I may have never done anything with a girl...but I was with my friends and they brought me to their friend’s place. The couple (my friend’s friend and her boyfriend) wanted to have fun and get drunk. The guy was very eager for some oral and his girlfriend doesn’t like to give, but loves to receive though…so he was getting frustrated with this. So they played strip uno (only card game available because of me) with themselves, one of my friends and a guy she invited. Well the girlfriend lost epically and was taking everything off….like I was petrified. Well I wish that was the only petrifying thing…but it’s not. My friend that played with the couple, left with the guy she invited and went to the 24 hour store nearby. Me and my other friend were asked by the couple, to watch them because they like an audience…my friend was sober and found this amusing while I was sober and didn’t, but I’m a good friend and went with her, since she lipped to me, that she didn’t want to be alone. Well after seeing the guy go to the girl and seeing a vagina, in real life…I can officially say I became gayer than I was, before seeing it. =)))))
725- So this is a story about a guy I had done stuff with once and it wasn’t a bad time…but this only happened because he was drunk, hitting on my best friend that he lived with and this is a quote of what I said; I took one, for the team (I'm a good friend). So the disgusting thing about this story, is that a year later…my friend finds out some shocking new, that he had committed sexually molestation to two young boys (his daughter’s sons, who are related because they had the same mom) and had a sexual relation with his daughter. He was even having it while living at the place, I had done stuff with him and during that time. So in conclusion here—I took one for the team and karma bites me, in the ass.
750- Now I was in secondary 3, during when this happened. I was finally figuring out I was completely just into guys and was trying to not just accept it, but understand how I could come out without being treated differently. So this girl from Montreal arrived at the school for a few days and hearing stories about Montreal and everything—plus also being screwed over my some friends in the past with them telling people I was gay…I kinda thought maybe this new girl would understand. Well she told me she did and was so excited, telling me she knew so many back in the city and that she’d keep the secret for me and help me out. Well now did this lovely girl help me…by telling the whole school I was gay, right after that class was finished. The worse part, I only found out everyone knew I was gay, two weeks later by someone I had started to know that year and the new girl was absent. So thanks to her because I felt so disgusted about myself, but thankfully figured it all out—probably a lot of that is due to my grandmother and feeling like she is always with me. Now a memo, if anyone is in the closet—either on tengaged or in real life. Only tell someone, when you are ready and know them very well, also knowing how they feel about the LGBTQ community too. If not, you might go through a nice outing like me and it isn’t what you would call “fun” or “a good way to come out”.
775- This is something from my last year in high school…so like 4 years ago, but felt like sharing because I have a few things already prepared, but needed new things to put on here and remembered this scenario. I was in my ethics class and people were doing a presentation/debate with gay marriage; the pros and the cons. So these two bimbos took it, before I even knew and they prepared some bullshit thing, about gay marriage is right and we should have it, for 5 minutes or so…I felt like it was common sense, since Canada already has it, but whatever. On the cons side, there was another bimbo with a homophobe and the homophobe prepared it all. I had a class with him before, so I had that feeling it’d be fucking ridiculous. It starts off explaining how god only made people to be with the opposite sex and that was it (like any homophobe would establish, in their argument) and they proceeded with how gays should have their own island, so we wouldn’t make others gay; as if me blowing air at him, would turn him into going on his knees. I was honestly shocked at this and not being so insecure as I once was, I vocalized my opinion, on how this was complete bullshit and this had no reflection or connection, to gay marriage. As my teacher asked me nicely to just let him finished…I continued to vocal m opinions and others joined in, expressing how disgusting his presentation was. Sorry for making this long (lost track with how much I was writing), but I am stopping myself at the point that it was complete foolishness and epicly stupid.
800- At the age of thirteen and not being so happy with myself and feeling disgusting with myself, I did something I don’t ever recommend anyone doing, at the age of thirteen or even a young teenage year; I went on cam with older men. It was something that was really like “why are you doing this”, whenever I think about it now—but I never felt actually good about myself, when I was younger. With always being ridiculed by people about my appearance and never hearing good things about; when I did go on cam, the older guys made me feel better, somehow. It lasted for a couple years and I learned a lot about myself and how truly unhappy I was, at that time.
*New Addition*
825- After my second time in Montreal, auditioning for professional theatre course, at a college called “Dawson College”, I stayed overnight in the city, to meet up with someone from a site called “Gay411”. After I waited for what felt like ever, the guy meet up with me at the bus station. From there, we went to a place called a “Bath House”. Now, for any of you who know what it is, well I don’t have to explain…for whom of you don’t, you should look it up, before you continue reading. So once we got there, we went some stairs and ended up in a room with a tv, playing some lovely movie a group of men, on a couch—watching it while chatting and enjoying themselves. We went from there, into a hall with room…kinda like a hotel hallway, but people having fun all through-out the hall. Once we got into the room, it was one of the best times of my life…until the guy speaks. Firstly, he stats how he loves me…that’s strike one. Secondly, we stats he would want to have children with me…that was strike two. Finally, towards the end of this time at the Bath House, he tells me he’d wanna marry me….now that’s strike three and never saw him again. =)
850- Now after that time with the guy, we left the Bath House and I thought he’d bring me to his place, so I could sleep till morning; that wasn’t the case though. He tells me he can’t because his father isn’t feeling good, so he drops me off at a 24 hour coffee shop; now I’m tired, annoyed and wondering why I didn’t just go home. Entering the coffee shop, I waste 5 dollars on some nasty coffee type of drink that I drank a few sips of and just couldn’t take anymore; so yay for wasting money for nothing. I was literally dozing off for 20 minutes and waking up, making sure no one touched my things because I was there from 10:30 to 2:30 and was dying of exhaustion. This guy and girl come in, from being at the bar and they just ate near me. They were randomly talking to one another for a bit. I started to listen and laughed at something the girl said. They noticed me and asked me if I wanted to join them and I just went next to them, in a sofa chair free and started talking with them. While we were talking for a good 15 minutes, the guy goes off to the bathroom and the girl begins stares at me, oddly. She randomly asks me what happened to my neck and I don’t really understand what she is talking about. She asks me about the bruises on my neck and the guy comes over and then becomes concerned. I have to actually go to the bathroom, to see what they are talking about…then see a couple dozen little/medium sized bruises all over my neck and am like “what the fuck is this?”. I try to figure out, how I could have gotten them and it clicks; it was from the guy, when we were in the room. I go back over and tell them they were hickeys and they both look stunned. The guy told me hickeys aren’t supposed to be black and blue (like literally, they looked like I was punched multiple times). They curiously age my age and told them I was 18…the guy immediately reacts “you are like a child and the 28 year old did THAT to you? Like we should call the police”…this was just killing me, of laughter. We continue talking a little longer with more comments, on how the police should arrest that guy, before leaving the coffee shop together. They asked me before I left, where I was going and told them I had nowhere to go, until the bus station opened. The guy instantly tells me I can sleep on his couch and a stranger’s couch, the sidewalk, alley way or staying in that awful coffee shop…I went with the couch, thank you very much. We go to Wendy’s because the guy was hungry and after eating, we lose track of the girl. So now us two left, we get into a cab and head to his place….it was like 40 minutes long and cost the guy 70 FUCKING DOLLARS. That fucking expensive as fuck! Anyways, we leave the cab and get to his place. We talk for a couple hours more and we begin chit-chatting about our lives; his relationships, my non-existent one’s. His job; why I was in Montreal, in the first place. While talking, he asks me if I’d be offended if he’d ask to kiss me…I already was at a bath house, so how would someone in their early/mid 30’s bother me, by asking if we could kiss? The answer is, it doesn’t—so we kiss. After that, I was curious about doing more, but he already stated ahead that he wouldn’t because I was too young and some guy already looked like he took advantage of me (didn’t say that in those words, but the basic message of it).
*New Addition*
875- Another story which continues with my talking about my first experience was in a car. So that guy asked me out the second time we saw each other and I was wanting to date someone, but not with a person I wasn’t really attracted to, didn’t much in common with except what we like to do to one another and who I found dull, when we weren’t doing anything. So after that time, we stopped talking for a few months and randomly started again. He told me he missed doing stuff and I was in need for fun, so decided why not. Well when we saw one another, he informed me that he was dating someone, but knew about this. I kinda bought it at first, but after doing stuff and then me asking if she was okay with him doing this, he kind of just tried to avoid talking about it—which answered my questions. I did do more stuff with him, even knowing the fact he was taken because I was really insecure and felt excited by this…now may be odd, but it takes two people to tango. So a good 6 months goes by, after not hearing from him and I was good with that, but then we start talking again and do stuff again, in the car. Once I got back home and about another couple months later, I am over at my friend’s place; she informs me that his girlfriend is sick with cancer and has been for the last several months. I was shocked, that he actually was doing that…especially when she knew about him enjoying some fun with his back yard and using a toy, to pleasure himself. Now finding all this out a year since I had been doing things with him, I asked my friend if she knew he was doing stuff with me, as he had mentioned in the beginning. She said no, she just knows about his toys, that he has. So after knowing that, we had never did anything again—until the poor girl passed away, around end of November/early December, in the year of 2013. I had done stuff with him after(he was also the guy I did stuff with, when I had my threesome with his boyfriend he got because of me telling him about the site “gay411”) and whenever I have seen him or my best friend has, he always talks about how he misses his finance and how he wishes she was still around…even though he was cheating on her, through-out their relationship with me.
900- Now this is really personal and I don’t mind sharing it because it’s always going to be a part of me, but I am someone that struggles with self-harm. Through-out my life, I had always been treated like trash, backstabbed countlessly, used to the max and never treated like someone that actually mattered to anyone. Yes, there are some people that cared for me and loved me, but that was how I felt—especially from close family members. I never felt comfortable in my own skin and always felt ridiculed, for being bigger, being too nice, trying too hard, what I wore, what I listened too and it goes on…and being so young, you don’t really grasp on how to really react. So after seeing one of my closest childhood friends go through with cutting herself and burning herself, I decided to cut my arms. I always wore sweaters near people before that, so I knew I could hide it and allowing the pain inside, go by hurting myself honestly felt much better than dealing with it, by others causing the pain to me. I had cut myself for a good few months, I had written about me cutting myself, in a French homework assignment and the teacher recommended me, to speak with a counselor. Well after speaking with him and telling him I didn’t want to tell anyone if I talked with him, he pulled a b.s card and said my mom had to know. Well after she found out and I told her I didn’t like how he was, as a counselor—I swapped with a new one. She was better and helped me; towards the end though, she told me to find a new hobby, to replace the cutting. Well the trusty friend marijuana came into play because I had seen many friends do it. Now if you do this because you like it, more to you…if you do it because you are suppressing your feelings, maybe try something new in my opinion. I got so attached that I needed it, in order to feel better about myself. Well that continued until a week after my 16th birthday.
925• *Now this is a continuation to the last one* So the reason why I stopped…well it was kinda do it for another couple years here and there, but eventually just not even touch It anymore because I became a paranoid spaz, instead of laughing at them while being high. But I think what made me stop, was my grandmother because she passed away a week before my birthday…on ironically 4:20. She was also against anything like that and I feel she made me stronger and more confident; able to deal with anything without having to smoke any weed and feel good about myself…like truly feel good inside—although, it took until about a couple years ago, to be at this point. But after I stopped and after the incident with the guy on June 28th, 2011 (which I mentioned above) and feeling disgusting about cheating on the guy online, I started to cut myself on my legs. I just felt so hideous and utterly repulsive inside, that cutting myself made me feel better…more non-emotive; after doing this for a few months, countless times. I started talking to some friends about it and it made me feel relieved, but nowhere near better or okay without doing it. I began reading up on alternatives to cutting and found an amazing page that helped me find ways to deal with anything overwhelming without cutting. It has been since October 28th, 2012 that I did it last. It will always be with me, the first thing I think of doing, whenever I feel overwhelming negative emotions, but I have my trusty friends called elastics, to help out if I feel like cutting again.
***idk what else to write and will say on the bottom, if anyone has any ideas, for kind of things to add, mail me and I’ll try to come up with more…just lost of ideas.***
