Stoopid Plays
Garth Dang
*On TV*
News anchor : This is breaking news for Personaville. We finally have a mayor!
*All town citizens scream with glee*
News anchor: Mayor Garth Bowling.
Garth: Hi kids. Do you like ladybugs? Well, too fucking bad. A prank got my knickers in my twist.
I have assembled the greatest ladybug extermination team of this generation. Led by David Thompson, the surgeon general commander admiral chairman of chief of this generation, followed by, his two Mexican friends and some homeless guy.
Carlos: I'm not Mexican!
David: Why are we back in High School?
Phil: No, Garth is the mayor.
David: What kind of name is GARTH? Its like Gay and Earth in one sentence. Garth. The real MVP.
Alex: Did he just call me fucking homeless?
Garth: These ladybugs will be extinct!
*David seems drugged out*
Phil: Yo, you okay?
David: I don't know. But whatever I feel, I feel great. *gets in Phil's face* *whispers* GrEaT. Probably some good Mountain Dew.
Alex: Is he on something?
Carlos: I think I know what this is.
Phil: What is it?
Carlos: I don't know what its called but the people that made it are dead.
*David spots a distant cliff*
David: Hey guys. We should go...skydiving.
*jumps off cliff imagining wings sprouting*
Carlos: I think that's how they died.
David: *falls into water safely* I am alive! Ooh, scuba diving. Guys...there's a shark in here trying to square up. I think I need to kick his ass.
Phil: Did that honky just say shark?
Alex: Oh ,I've longed for this day. Kill him, shark.
Carlos: You're a bad friend.
David: Oh you wanna spit hot fire? I'm gonna have to take him down.
Carlos: Does he realize that shark is winning?
*David screams*
David: Yeah, kid. You're white, you can't fight kid. *punches shark repeatedly*
*Later*
Cody: Hmm. Hey, CJ. Have you seen David?
CJ: Nope. Or Alex. I can take the Mountain Dew now.
*meanwhile back at the bottom of the cliff*
David: My Dew senses are tingling. Wh-why can't I move? *screams loudly* FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!
Alex: Phil and Carlos went to get help. They told me to stay and make sure you die. I meant don't. Make sure you don't die.
*condo*
CJ: This is some good Dew. Hey, turn on the TV. Your place kinda sucks ass.
Cody: *turns on TV* At least I don't live in a convenience store.
CJ: Hey, isn't that our old high school principal?
Cody: Holy crap, it is.
*on TV*
Garth: It appears behind me that my leader is losing a fight to a shark.
Phil: This is normal for us. He'll be fine.
Garth: He looks like he's lost a lot of blood.
Phil: Its a cartoon.
Carlos: He's dead.
David: I'm asleep.
Alex: Damn.
Carlos: He's still bleeding out.
David: Most of that is from a blood transfusion and I've still got quite a lot of blood left.
*Hospital*
David: Damn it.
Carlos: We saved the shark too.
*moves curtain next to David*
David: You fucking dumbass. *pulls gun out from hospital bed* You kill the goddamn shark. *shoots shark*
Carlos: We were barely able to keep you alive with all that blood you lost.
*Cody walks in, pulls the plug*
David: I don't need the machine to breathe anymore. I take big boy breaths now.
Cody: Jesus Christ, I can't get a fucking break.
David: Looks like you're stuck with me fuckboy. Duckboy. Suckboy. Queerbait.
Cody: You done yet?
David: Is Garth still the mayor?
Cody: Yeah. Unfortunately.
David: Turn on the news.
*News*
Garth: This is fantastic. I'm going to become the ladybug leader. I mean...the ladybug killer. Call me RAID-MAN.
*Newsanchor Facepalms*
Newsanchor: Mayor Bowling everyone...has gone mad with power .
Phil: And if we don't do anything, nothing will happen.
Newsanchor: That's terrible. But true.
*More later*
Phil: I have assembled a team of excellent heroes to take down Garth Vader. We've got the weapons craftmaster, David.
David: Fucking right.
Phil: The leader. Me.
Cody: But I th-
Phil: No. Just no. You are transportation.
Cody: Yay
David: Gay
Cody: Straight
Phil: Alex, you are just here because you're all smart and shit.
Alex: It's a proven fact.
Phil: CJ is the guy that is our speed fighter. Or just to intimidate scrawny guys like Cody. He's too fat to be fast.
Cody: Why I oughta...
*CJ punches Cody in the face*
CJ: That's for Africa.
Cody: Whatever.
Phil: Alright team. Let's move!
*Garth's office*
(Garth is wearing a ladybug outfit)
Garth: So...you think you can stop the queen ladybug.
Phil: I don't give a fuck what you are, we're just here to kick your ass.
Garth: Ladybugs, TRANSFORM!!
*they form a giant ladybug that looks like Phil*
Phil: I ain't no damn ladybug, get the fuck outta here. *punches it in the face.
Ladybug Monster: Owww!!! That really hurt!!
Phil: No shit.
Ladybug Monster: You're a jerk.
Garth: Don't bully my son.
Garth's Son: *playing on 3DS* Him fine dad.
Garth: Not you, the son I care about.
Cody: That's messed up.
David: Hey, Phil. You want this AK-47?
Phil: If I can kill Garth with it.
CJ: Do it.
Phil: I haven't fully loaded-
CJ: DO IT NOW WHILE IM SITTING ON HIM! SHOOT HIM IN THE FACE!
*Phil shoots Garth*
*One week later*
Cody: I'm sure glad that's over.
Alex: CJ got fatter.
Cody: Mayor Bowling doesn't even sound right. But now that he's dead who is the mayor?
Carlos: I don't know.
*Mean while*
(David in a 5-star general outfit)
David: What's your next order of business Mr. Mayor?
Phil: Let's...attack Chinatown. But start with Little Tokyo. They're in NYC, let's go.
*END* #spam #stories #scripts #inappropriate #castings #fastings #bigbrother #survivor #frookies #rookies
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Taking 18!
St:pid Plays
Thanksshitting
(Peaceful wake-up music plays) 11 AM
Halee: (Yawns) Good morning, crappy life.
David: Mornin bitch. Nah, y'know I'm kidding. Happy Thanksgiving.
Halee: You too dickweed
(In kitchen)
Cody: Well, they're up. Good thing my turkeys done.
(Later) 1:00 PM
Mikey: Hello, we-
Carlos: We're here, he's queer, and-
Ashley: We brought beer!
David/Cody: Hell yeah!
Cody: Let's start the day with the same.
Halee: Video games?
Cody: Yea-yeah
David: Let's do Skyrim first.
(Later...again) 3:00 PM
Ashley: Mortal Kombat? Really?
David: Yes.
Cody: It's important. Very important. (Puts on Scorpion costume)
Halee: No it's-
Cody: GET OVER HERE!
Halee: No, I don't want-
Cody: GET THE FUCK OVER HERE!
Halee: For what?
Cody: For me challenging you to Mortal Kombat
THE GAME
Scorpion (Cody) Vs Sonya (Halee)
AT THE END OF A BUNCH OF REMATCHES
Scorpion Wins: 1
Sonya Wins: 9
Cody: (cries) WAA! (disappears)
Carlos: The fuck just happened? David: Cody got his ass kicked and he ran away crying like a bitch.
Carlos: I didn't mean that literally.
(4:00 PM, EVERYONE IS SEATED)
Mikey: I'm hung.
Carlos: Hung what?
Ashley: Hungry.
Mikey: Turkey.
David: You're a turkey.
Mikey: (Turkey sounds) (gobble gobble) Gobble Gobble!
Cody: Yes Mikey, the turkey is done.
Mikey: Is their rape inside?
Cody: No. There will never be rape inside. Anyways, the center is to share. David gets a thigh, Halee gets a leg, Mikey gets a wing, Carlos gets a wing, Ashley gets a leg, I get a thigh.
Halee: But I want the penis!
Ashley: No, I want the penis!
Cody: The turkey doesn't have a dick! Surprisingly, the turkey had 3 legs.
Carlos: A third leg? How the hell is that possible?
Ashley: Birth Defects
Cody: Ok, everyone enjoy.
(Every one begins eating)
David: Huh.
Cody: What? Something wrong with the turkey?
David: No, But I suddenly have to- nevermind, it's good.
Cody: Ok then. ..
(After dinner)
7:00 PM
Cody: K-k-karaoke!
David: Damn it, fine.
Ashley: I'll start.
(Song starts)
Ashley: Hit me with your best shot, don't you fire away, hit me with your best shot.
Carlos: Wow.
Cody: The voice of an angel.
Ashley: Oh, stop!
(Carlos's turn)
Carlos: Just beat it, beat it, beat it, just beat it, hee hee shamone!
(Cody, David, Mikey's turn)
Cody: Just a small town girl
Mikey: Livin in a lonely world
David: She took the midnight train going anywh- SHIT!
Carlos: What? You finally realize you're gay?
David: One. I'm straight. Two. I have to shit!
(Runs to bathroom)
David: Oh thank God, I made it to the shitter in time. HOLY CRAP!
(Meanwhile)
Cody: Heheh.
Halee: What? You do something?
Cody: Oh yeah!
Ashley: What did you do?
Cody: I put laxatives in his part of the turkey.
Carlos: Why would you do that?
Cody: You remember a few weeks ago? David (whispers) and then he pantsed me then (whispers) with peanut butter.
Carlos: So you got revenge by putting laxatives in his turkey.
Cody: Yes.
(Back on the toilets)
David: SON OF A BITCH!
(20 minutes later)
David: Cody, now that I'm done blowing my shit out, can you explain why the fuck I feel constipated?
Cody: Well...y'see, I sorta put laxatives in your part of the turkey.
David: LAXATIVES!? WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT!?
Cody: You remember that prank you pulled a few weeks ago?
David: Where I had sex with that whore who soon gave you herpes and I drugged you with the date rape drug, made you have sex with a homosexual, pants you, and gave you a Cleveland steamer which you ate because it looked like peanut butter?
Cody: Yeah.
David: Well, I guess now we're even.
Cody: Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
David: Get out of the bathroom, I'm not done pooping!
Mikey's Pizza
Stoopid Plays: Mikey's Pizza
At the Condo
*knocks at the door*
Halee: David, get the door
David: Why don't you get the door?
Halee: Because you're closer. And younger.
David: Cody, get the door!
Cody: Can't. I'm in the shower
David: You sure? I don't hear water running.
Cody: Ugh, fine. Lazy asses. Who's at the door?
Mikey: Me
David: Who's me?
Mikey: Mom
David: Ok.
Cody: Halee, could you please get the door?
Halee: What do you want Mikey?
Mikey: My pizza. In the fridge.
Halee: Cody, bring Mikey his pizza. Cody's in the kitchen.
Cody: *towel wrapped around waist* Alright, before I give this to you what is in that box you're holding?
Mikey: Rape.
David: Its about time.
Cody: Riiiight. Anyway, here's your pizza.
Mikey: Spank you.
Cody: You're Wel-*towel drops, face turns red*
David: Aw, sick!
Mikey: Ew, male genitalia.
Halee: Haha.
Cody: I'll be...in my room...dressing...
(Cody exits)
Mikey: *opens pizza box* Where the fuck is MY PIZZA!!!
David: Carlos did come by earlier. I think he went up on the roof.
*All 3 go to the rooftop*
Halee: Carlos, what is that in your hand?
Carlos: It's not pizza...
Mikey: Yes it is! GIMME MAH MUTHAFUKIN PIZZA!
Carlos: AHHHHH!
Halee: Well kids, the lesson today was -
David: Don't steal Mikey's pizza. Wait, kids are gonna watch this show?
Halee: They'll find a way to watch it. Maybe Netflix or On-demand or Metrocast.
David: Or just very irresponsible parents like we had growing up.
Halee: See you next time on St:Pid Plays!
David: That whole convo broke the fourth wall.
Halee: Fuck the fourth wall.
