UpthePUNX's blogBlog

The day i shit my pants

Aug 3, 2009 by UpthePUNX

So, one hot summer day during my early twenties, I was on leave from the army visiting my mother in Phoenix, Arizona. After a day of swimming, sweating, and sipping drinks, it was time to meet my mother and one of her friend (who had 3 kids) for dinner at a Mexican restaurant. Dinner went well. I defaulted into the role of "entertainment for the kids (ages 8-14). I told stories, jokes and acted in a generally silly manner.

After our meal, the children began to get restless. I decided that since we were in a shopping area, I would give each kid $5 and take them to K-Mart so they could blow it on whatever they want. This gave my mom some time to have an extra margarita with her pal without kids clamoring for their attention. As we walk in, I lay out the ground rules. 10 minutes. Be in check out line 3. Spend less than $5, keep the change. I let them disappear into the store.

Then, my bowels decided they were in charge of my life. I had a sudden pain followed by the intense sensation to lay down a deuce. It is not going to be pretty. Luckily, I am 25 feet from the bathroom. I step-squeeze to the bathroom and to my dismay, there is a sign that reads "UNDER RENOVATION". Both the mens and the womens. I turn to head to the back of the store to where Im sure there will be another bathroom. 10 steps and I'm positive that I will not make it. I turn and run back to the renovation bathrooms and burst through the door, which was thankfully unlocked.

As I burst through, shit bursts out of my pants, covering my legs, my pants and the floor. I decide I have to do something. Thinking quickly, I lock the door. I clean up myself and the floor with about 5000 paper towels and water. I toss my shit covered shorts in the garbage, unlock the door and remove the sign, hoping someone comes in.

About 30 minutes later, a man brings his boy into the restroom. I've been hiding in a stall waiting for this. I open a dialogue.

"Sir. Excuse me, Sir? CAn you help me? I am in some really deep shit!"

"Whats up?" says the man

"Sir, I just shit all over myself. This isnt a joke. I really need your help."

(The man laughs hysterically) "What do you need man?"

"Could you please go to the mens department and get me ANY sizr 32 Khaki shorts?"

Long story short, this guy helps me out, brings back the shorts. I pull off the tag, pay for them at the register. The lady looks at me really odd for wearing the pants Im buying. I dont even begin to stink about explaining myself. I high tail it back to the restaurant where the kids have long made it back. My mom asks me what happened. I tell her I got sick and threw up on my pants and had to buy new ones. We say goodbye to her friend. I get in the car and try to forget the last hour of my life. I never have.

Comments

up the punx

Sent by lemon5029,Aug 3, 2009

Haha, awesome story.
Any clue what brought on the sudden bowel movement?

Sent by Kloi,Aug 3, 2009

LOLZ! +++
http://www.tengaged.com/group/1529/forum/topic/1090540
Please sign up for My Quick Game :)

Sent by josiahbjorke,Aug 3, 2009

Amazing!

Sent by aidyshinobi,Aug 4, 2009

Sent by Gyselle,Aug 4, 2009

UpthePUNX's blogBlog

The day i shit my pants

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