- XtremeNerd -

Creativeness: 6/10 - I liked the twist a lot! I was very engaged into your story. But a few things really let your mark down. Your sentences followed the same structure throughout (for the most part) with many being the same length as the previous and your description felt a little clunky in parts making it hard to follow the story.. Another thing that I felt was missing - that could have made it great - was if the two characters sounded the same. Their dialog both sounds very different to the other persons - but as they are the same person, they should be speaking the same way (at least most of the time)

Understandable: 5/10 - I understood the story. That was fine. However there was spelling mistakes and jumbled sentences throughout that made me have to stop reading, to try and work out what was happening. This took my out of the story - but also made me confused throughout until I knew what your were saying.

The Story: 7/10 - I liked the story. For a short story it had a nice build up and a nice reveal
that answered all my questions I had throughout. The setting was clever. The character’s dialog felt real for the most part. But - as I mentioned before - the mannerisms and the dialog of both characters felt very different too each other. This makes the reveal a little disappointing as it takes the realism that you had (nicely balanced with the fiction) out of the story. I would also say a little more description would have been nice to really set the scene of the prison.

Overall: 6/10: Your scores have been, 5,6,7 - what is a great way to start the season off! I have given you 6 just because those spelling mistakes and confusing sentences really held you back. It’s ok for now - as it’s only the first round. However I would hate for it to hold you back later down the line.

XtremeNerd = 24/40

Well done, Thirteen! Good Luck!

Grats XTreme... Expecting a 15... haha

- Jackson Walsh -

Creativeness: 8/10: This was a very interesting, dramatic, dark, thriller and for the first round of the series I can see you doing very well throughout the competition. A few things though held you back. Your sentences need a little more variety. Most of them all follow the same format - quick and short. Now this is good for action, but sometimes it needs to slow down and the sentences have to be more descriptive. Also - Description. It needs a little more descriptive language. Now I know that’s hard when writing in 1st person - but it’s just something to work on later in the series.

Understandable: 7/10: I got lost a few times. I was struggling with the everyday people and the actors. I had to keep looking to see what order they were meant to die in etc. Also - the ending confused me. Was the scientist mad or was it one of the Actors? Things like this make a difference, and as I don’t have time to reread all the stories, I have been left a little confused. Nothing that ruined the story - but still needs a little work on.

The Story: 7/10: It seems odd giving you 8 for creativeness but a 7 for The Story. Let me explain. Your story was very creative with it’s dark tones and fast paced action. The reason The Story gets a 7 - is because I never connected to the characters. In my opinion, there was far too many characters. I think if there was only a few - I would have connected to them when they died - instead it left me shocked with no real emotion.

Overall: 7/10: 8,7,7,7 is a great score for the first round! Honestly - I think you could go very far in this competition if you keep this up. As I said - characters need to be worked on and sentences need more description. Good start!

Jackson Walsh = 29/40

Well done Jackson!

Harsh Judging is leaving me worried../

- Zuelke -

Creativeness: 5/10: Was it different, yes. Did I enjoy it. Not really. I was never connected to the characters and the plot didn’t actually make sense to me. Teachers would not do what that teacher done and that test never would have happened. I think when writing something that’s so familiar to everyone (taking tests) the realism has to be there. This felt a little flat. But I have say - I like your writing style, and you are very good at dialogue.

Understandable: 6/10: I knew what was going on - but it didn’t make sense. The test, why all those other questions? The plot felt a little slow and the reveal was disappointing. It didn’t make sense, no theatre test would ever be like that. It’s annoying as I like your style and as I have said, dialog was good and clear. You also have a nice variety of sentences. Next time just work on the plot a little more and I’m sure your scores will shoot up.

The Story: 5/10: I wasn’t connected to this story, or the characters. The description was very nice though. I just think the plot felt rushed and unbelievable. I’m sorry - and I hope you don’t think I’m being rude. I think more time had to be put into the plot.

Overall: 5/10: I wanted to like this as the dialogue and description was very nice but I just didn’t understand it. The test didn’t make sense and teacher’s would never be allowed to trick a student. I think you are a good writer just this time you rushed. I hope your make it past this round as it would be sad to lose you this early.

Zuelke = 21/10

ya i hope im not the bottom 3 :(

- WitZ -

Creativeness: 8/10: I’m gonna give you an 8 because this was dark, menacing and fast paced! You have a nice idea of sentence structure and know when to use description! This story was creative - it’s something that has been done before but you gave it a nice twist! I also like how we never found everything out - leaving it open. A few things I would say though - a little more character development. Maybe before he got stabbed.

Understandable: 8/10: This was easy to follow and fast! I liked the action and the tension! The reason I’m not giving any higher than an 8 is just because I think it was a little too open. I would have liked a little more information but that maybe my own personal taste.

The Story: 7/10: This is a great story for the first round. You knew what you wanted to be and followed the structure right through. Just a little more character development would have added more emotion. I also think - just something I picked up on - if they needed him, I don’t think they would have stabbed him and twisted the blade, as that could have killed him. Just something that felt a little out of place. Maybe if the blade cut his arm, or
swiped across his cheek, it may have made more sense on a practical side.

Overall: 7.5: I wouldn’t say overall it was an 8, but a 7 felt too low. You have a nice style - lovely descriptions and a great sense of tension and fear. A little more character development and maybe more realistic dialogue would have made this even higher. For the first round I am extremely impressed and can see you going very far in this competition.

WitZ = 30.5/40

Well, I got a horrible score but didn't get the lowest. That's a comfort at least.

Currect bottom 2: 13 and Zuelke

- BeckyHuffman -

Creativeness: 5/10; This was creative in sections although the story never went anywhere. I was expecting something too happen, but it didn’t. Your sentences followed the same structure in many places and you repeated the same words a lot throughout. I liked the way you allowed us to get to know the character but I couldn’t help think the whole story was a little predictable. For round one it was good - but maybe next time think a little outside the box.

Understandable: 5/10: I needed to know more. Why was she stuck in this room? Why couldn’t she leave? How was the wall calendar changed if she didn’t change it? These questions (all very important - defiantly the first two) should have been answered. Also - why did she keep the rabbits body? It was a nice story but so many answered questions and plot holes left me feeling a little cheated. Answering all of these would have really brought up this score.

The Story: 5/10: I feel like this score should be much higher, and I know it would have been if those questions above were answered. You had a nice character that I know I would have connected too if I had found out more about her struggle. Your description was also very nice in parts but let down by reusing the same words too often.

Overall: 5/10: Those plot holes and answered questions really let you down this round. I can see you are a good writer but I just think more work was needed on the overall plot. In my personal opinion you gave too much time to the Rabbit and should have been explaining her circumstances. I hope you make it through this round as I think you could be a very good writer. This just wasn’t your round.

Becky Huffman = 20/40

...I'm scared...

- xxThornWYZ -

Creativeness: 7.5/10: I loved it. Really loved it. It felt very much like the film  6 sense in parts so even though that‘s a compliment - I couldn't help compare. I would just say - your description (most of the time) is very good - but you repeat the same words sometimes when it’s not needed. You said the word ‘me’ a lot - and I think sometimes you could have just left it out and the sentence still would have made perfect sense. Now - the other reason I’m not scoring any higher is because (yes, this may seem a little mean) but you took the story outside the room. The receptionist wouldn’t have been in that room - now if you had stated that her voice was coming through the speakers that would have been fine - but instead she was on the phone at her desk. It may seem a little picky but I have to stick by the rules.

Understandable: 8/10: I understood it all - but I have two points. 1, the only bit I didn’t get was the scary patient, you said it was his sketch book and then suddenly it was ‘The Doctor’s’ that bit left me a little bit confused. But my other major point is - I understood it a little too well. I guessed the twist way before it was revealed so the ending seemed a little bland. I think you needed to not focus so much on the ‘Doctor’ being locked away, and instead focus more on his relationship with his other patients.

The Story: 7.5/10: As I’ve said I loved it but the ending was a little stale. Half way through the plot became a little predictable and that ruined what could have been a very good twist. Also I would have liked to get to know Kurt a little more, I think it would have been nice to have him seem a little more human as he felt a little stale at times.

Overall: 7.5/10: I can’t give you a 7 - but an 8 would be a little too high just because I guessed the twist too early on. I think you’ll go far in this competition but please just be careful not to give twist away too soon and too stick by the rules. Other than that this was a great start to your season and I can’t wait to read your next story!

xxThornWYZ = 30.5/40

Thanks so much Dog =)

This means a lot to me...

You shouldn't have been scared.