Yesterday I posted an intruiging insight into this years Celebrity Big Brother (if you didn't read it, then please do) and now I'm spending, or wasting, my time reviewing the events going on within those tired, aching walls.
Why Part 1? Why not day 1? Because I'm very non-commital to this, and writing a daily blog about CBB may just make me depressed at my life. But hey, not being one to bring myself down, looks like it's time to beat down thesee so called "celebrities".
Well, well. Those beds in the bedroom, adorned with clown heads. I wonder what they're for. In a rare master-stroke of inginuity, these serve as creepy cackling alarm clocks. As if they weren't creepy enough, some sadist decided it'd be a right ol' laugh if they started menacingly laughing at you. What next; are arms going to appear and swallow the naughty celebs? I think someone's taken a leaf out of Stephen King's book.
And so starts another day of awkward situations. Goody.
Awkward moment number 1. Sisqo poured his heart out when he told the achingly painful story of the first, and last, moment he met Biggie Smalls. Then Stephanie spoke. Will she come out with some other heart breaking story? Did she meet Michael Jackson? Or Heath Ledger? No, apparently it's a good move to change from the death of an infamous rapper to her tattooed dog. Yes, Stephanie abruptly changed the subject onto her dog. With tattoo's; at least I think she said tattoo's; at that moment my mind melted from the idiocy from her. Or maybe that's an upper-class equivilent to a murder.
Believe it or not, it was a pretty boring day in the land of big brother. So the man himself decided to give a task to his ADD inhabitants. Who the hell came up with this task. It's one thing to catapult paint filled balloons at a celebrity, but to have to lie on your back, rear end in the air, is the most absurd idea in BB history. And they have dressed someone in an egg and let John McCririck walk around in his undies. The aim of the game; in order to win "luxury" food items (with corn flakes and milk being some of the top prizes) they must hit the items with a balloon. Oh, but a celeb has to be stood underneath the prize at all times. Please let someone get it in the face. Although, getting it in the nads is equally entertaining. Enter Vinnie Jones. Yes, Vinnie stepped up to the plate and got it right in his 'lock, stock and two smoking barrels'. Instead of comforting him, they all broke down with laughter, which is probably the actual normal reaction. Eventually they claimed some prizes; some producer realised hitting a bottle of milk with a balloon is about as easy as carrying a crate of golden beavers up a mountain. So celebs got the prize as long as a speck of paint landed on the prize. Well done to everyone, except Heidi, who managed to explode the balloon on herself. Clap clap clap.
Awkward moment number 2! Stevie B is allowed a bible for one hour a day. A time he will most likely spend in solitary, reflecting. But not if his housemates have their way. Already bored out of their minds, they would even resort to reading the bible. These not-very-religious people would love to here a "story or two". What did Stevie say? Well actually he started talking about something irrelevant that Jonas said... But then he walked off. Take that as a no Alex...
Stevie B obviously felt enlightened after his hour, as he proceeded to talk to everyone. Not the "ooh, that's a dark cloud" type of talk, more the "you could be so much better talk". Apparently, if he was Alex's manager, he'd get him out of the cage fighting game, and into the acting biz. At first I thought this was a stupid idea, then I remembered the likes of Arnie and Stallone, both of whom can't act. In fact, there's already someone in the house like that; Vinnie. Stevie B may have been onto something. Oh wait, no, he's lost the plot. Alex Reid could apparently be the next James Bond. And that get's the prize of awkward moment number 3 and stupidest idea number 1.
The housemates calmed down and settled in the living room. At this time, maybe housemates can reflect on their experiences so far, talk about all their troubles. Or they could take the high road and talk about farting. Guess which one they talked about... Yes, farting. Taking away the small dignity the show head and rubbing it against their bums, they proceeded to not just talk about farting (including silent bur deadly techniques) but actually tried to force one out. Katia was the winner, after squeezing one out. Everyone collapsed with laughter. I pulled the trigger.
NOTE : This is just a fun look at the new batch of hope(less)fuls. I hope I didn't offend.
