Quite clearly I have nothing to do. That's why I'm here, writing about CBB for the third day in a row. I must admit, this series is supplying the laughs in a cringe worthy sort of way. And today was obviously crazy day. Yes, everyone has gone from desperate celeb to psychotic celeb. Dare I venture? I'll have to take a 10 inch blade with me to tackle these nut-jobs.
Christianity. Now, I'm not going to get into some deep religious debate, but let's just say I hope not all christian's are like good ol' Stevie B. Stevie raised a hypothetical scenario; if his daughter had a gun held to her head, and asked to say "jesus never existed" what would he want her to do. Of course, surely he would want her to meet the mad man's demands? Well, not really. He'd expect her to ignore the gunman's demands and he would "meet her in heaven". Those are his ACTUAL WORDS. Now he's said that, he's opened the gate. I'd watch your back Stevie; there's plenty of atheist gunmen running around with a taste for Baldwin blood.
While Alex picked a fight with a fly, punching the air wildly, the rest were in the bedroom of horrors. Heidi revealed some of her most painful memories to the group; the pain she had to deal with in prison. The dangers of life inside. Oh, what's that Jonas? You have an insightful thought. Of course, pleasuring yourself is definitely the normal transition of conversation. Yes, Jonas seems to be playing a game of social limbo, lowering the bar of conversation anytime he can. And there's me thinking farting is as low as it can go. And Stephanie wasn't amused.
Surely that's enough crazy? NO! Let's play a game of word association. If I say dog you say... "cat". If I say lion you say... "tiger". If I say Stephanie Beacham you say... "gangbangs and drugs"... Not quite. Yes, talks of Heidi's past made Alex think of Stephanie's past, and in his strange mind the above was a regular occurance for Stephanie in her youth. Alex, go sit in the corner and think about what you've done.
Social limbo! Nicola's turn this time. Need an idea for a tattoo? Well Nicola has the perfect idea; tattoo the letter "P" on one butt cheek and "O" on the other. I'll let you find how this can spell "poo". Well done Nicola T...
Welcome to Stevie B's bible hour. Some of the 'mates gather for a reading by Stephanie like it's some religious jackanory session. Sov is one of those not joining in. She takes a peek out of the bedroom window to see Stevie B menacingly beckoning her to him. It wasn't just a simple "come here" wave, it was a full on sinister finger beckoning, as if Sov was going to be punished by daddy Stevie for not doing her homework. Turns out he was just LOLing at the mention of the word Sovereign in the bible. Ever heard the expression "small things" Steve?
Today's a special day. It's Vinnie's birthday! And BB is prepared to give him a party! Well, first he has to be locked in a phone box while his fellow housemates compete in challenges and strain to do maths. Happy Birthday, Vinnie. Vinnie may well be locked in this phone box but that isn't going to stop Stevie B giving him a coat, presumably by the power of evaporation through the air holes. First task; numbers. Not just a simple a+b+c, no, the housemates have to use their memories to recall key numbers, such as "how many fights has Alex lost from knockouts". Oh, and just as a reminder Dane, how many chart hits have you had, that's right "none". Not quite content on making housemates do maths, BB has resortedd to kicking people in the metaphorical nads. Surprise surprise, they couldn't get the number, oh well, we've still got Stevie B setting off mousetraps with his bare hands and Stephanie sticking her hand up dead chickens, all for a party for Vinnie which he doesn't really want. Time passes, tasks are passed and Vinnie is released. They win, hip hip hooray et cetera.
They get to throw Vinnie his party; Vinnie recieves his present of fish and chips (although golden beavers would have been a better idea, BB) and dull tunes are blasted into the house. NEWSFLASH! Obligatory house romance on the rise. It appears Jonas and Katia are falling for each other; Jonas going as far as saying Katia is his soul mate, all because of her farting antics. Ahh, true love... They even had a romantic walk in the snow. How sweet. Ten quid that the snow will bring the house to a halt like it's done everywhere else in this bloody country.
NOTE : This is just a fun look at the new batch of hope(less)fuls. I hope I didn't offend.
