And when I mean a yard stick I mean a stick that came from my yard, not like one of those measuring ones (But i have tried sticking one of those up there before, but it's not a top ten).
So my friends Courtney (Yes the same courtney with the french fry story) and Bethany were out camping in the backyard, and this was during the time I was in private school, my family was putting all their faith into me getting a good standing in life so all the money went to that school instead of a house. So basically we didn't live in a good neighborhood, it was really trashy. My friend brings up the french fry incident that happened a few months back from this time and I replied "I can stick a lot more then a french fry up in there now" so Courtney laughed thinking I was joking. But the thing was I wasn't at all, they kept insisting I couldn't stick anything bigger in there, so I said "Bitch it's bigger than a watermelon" which that was a bit of a lie, but I wanted to prove it, so I walked out of the tent and was looking for a item to shove in there. I finally found a stick it had some moss and that green fungus stuff on it but I brushed it off.
I pull my jeans on down and start wedging it in there and I hear some steps from the woods area, but granted I don't have a phone or a flashlight to light anything up since I couldn't afford a phone until I was 17 due to my private school's tuition taking up all my Gs. So I finally get it in there good, stick all up in my cooter, I turn around to start heading back to the tent. When I get closer and I can see a brighter glimpse into the forest there I see a HOMELESS MAN WAS WATCHING ME THE WHOLE TIME. Like I just wanted to point out that I was not doing anything vulgar at that time, it was just to proove the point of that I have a big ole watermelon vag, and can fit damn near a steam train in there. So I run back in the tent and show them that I stuck the stick all the way in. Bethany was so shocked and jealous she called me "a strange perverted bitch". Then Courtney ran out of the tent and said "I betcha I can fit a rake."
She never came back that night, but she told me years later it was because she was out there in a crackhouse having sex with that homeless man.
A YARD STICK